How to save your marriage from divorce
Although there is no foolproof way of protecting your marriage but there are few tips that can help you to make the relationship stronger.
- Ask for what you need. This is first on the list for a reason. People do not read minds and this is not news. Women in particular, seem to believe that if someone “really loves” them they are magically imparted with the ability to read minds. He should know what she needs/wants. People believe if you have to ask for flowers, the flowers become meaningless. Well, if you don’t ask for what you want, you won’t get what you need, as unromantic as that may sound. Resentment then builds unnecessarily. People are a product of their own individual upbringing. Just because your father brought your mother flowers each Friday, you may believe that is the only acceptable expression of love. You may give no value to the fact that your spouse fills up the gas tank so you never have to. If it’s the case that only flowers will do, ASK for them. Give a road map, not just “I like flowers,” but also for what occasions and what kind you love.
Forget perfect. Marry someone whose crap you can live with, really live with, without expecting someone will change (they won’t) or getting “brownie points” for putting up with it or throwing it in their face. If it annoys you now, it will annoy you later, only more so. He’s a slob, or she can’t cook, are fine if you can handle it. Everybody’s list is different. The non-negotiable issues are different for every person, but don’t kid yourself into believing you can live with something that you can’t. If he’s a spender and you’re a saver, beware. Different views on finances or fundamental differences in morals or values are tough to overcome. For the record, it should go without saying, abuse, physical, or emotional, is non-negotiable and if it is not, seek a good therapist.
Realize fairy tales are for children. When I hear anyone over the age of 10 speak about their fairy tale romance or wedding, I cringe and then hand them a business card. Marriage is many things, but it is no fairy tale, I assure you.
Have realistic expectations. Not every day is going to be great, but some will take your breath away from the overwhelming love you feel. Regardless of your economic status, there will be sickness and health, money issues, work troubles, and screaming kids. There will also be immeasurable joy. Expect both the good and the bad and hold on tight through the tough times by remembering the good ones.
Lower your expectations. People are human. They forget the milk, they have bad days, and they say things they should not say . We let it go, because that’s life, unless we’re in a relationship with someone. When we’re married, we beat it to death as if it is somehow a personal affront, an indication that someone does not love us enough. Our expectations are higher of our significant other than anyone else.
Lower the expectations and be pleasantly surprised when someone does something great without it being expected.
Say thank you. Why is it that people often forget to say the kind things to the ones they love? We wouldn’t dream of allowing a stranger to go without thanks for a kind word or deed. However, the one who cleans up the kitchen, makes the dinner, pays the bills does not get a thank you? Really? Cherish your spouse or partner and let them know they are appreciated, valued, or someone else may.
See the glass half full. Perception is reality. Life is hard or it is amazing, depending on the day. The same goes for our relationships. If you wake up wanting to be angry at your partner (or friend or sister), it would be easy. Focus on the stuff someone did wrong and everything they do will be wrong, not good enough, or done with the specific intent to drive you crazy. In reality, that is rarely the case. When you decide to focus on the good, it’s amazing how the day goes much smoother. The dinner is cooked and the laundry is folded, even if it’s not how you would’ve done it. When the day is really crappy, try to appreciate that it is all relative. Despite our difficulties, we are more blessed than many. Just turn on the news to see how truly difficult the world is for some, and the day seems a whole lot better.
Choose happiness. Most of the time happiness is a choice. When we’re first in love, everyone is happy and life is fun. Choose to be happy. Be kind and make your partner happy. Do the special things to make someone else happy that you once did. Make an effort to laugh with each other, celebrate and enjoy. It will carry you through a lot of the bad shit.
- Say I am sorry. This does not mean you are WRONG,
- Realize not everything means something.
- Ego — put your partners first. Be a couple who supports each other in private and in public.
like handsomebeauty.wordpress.com facebook page