- No one will believe you if you tell
them that it isn’t for religious reasons.
(Even though it’s fine if it is for religious
reasons.) This generation is not capable
of understanding, despite what they say,
that “just not wanting to have sex until
marriage” is an option for otherwise not-
- Often, it’s the people who talk the
most about how they are “sex positive”
who will give you the most crap for
choosing to be a virgin, because they
think it means there’s something wrong
and non-modern about you. They think
that you should be “liberated,” even if
you already are.
- Dating is not as hard as you would
expect, but you have to be up-front
about it from the beginning. Sometimes
you meet someone you really like, and
you’re so worried about scaring them off
that you try to put off saying something,
but you have to just get it out of the
way. The sooner you find out if they’re
compatible, the better.
- Yes, everyone will try to “convert” you.
- A lot of people have a hard time
understanding that you don’t necessarily
need someone who is also a virgin, as
long as they’ve been tested. People like
to assume that personal journeys need
to involve someone else.
- People will ask you if you’re asexual,
or if you don’t like being physical with
someone else, because they think that a
woman who isn’t religious must be
repulsed by sex to not want it before
- No one believes that you watch porn.
- Everyone will ask you really invasive
questions about the other things you do
that basically sound like you’re trying to
trick God that you didn’t have “real” sex
when you actually did.
- A lot of guys will ask you if the butt
- (Yes, the butt counts.)
- When you talk to people about the
reasons you’re actually doing it — for
your health and protection, because you
want to connect to your partner in other
ways, because you want to save it for
one person, because you think the world
is sex-obsessed enough as it is — none
of your answers will be sufficient.
- A lot of people you date won’t
consider it a “real” relationship until you
have sex, and even if they pretend to be
okay with at first, they’ll eventually start
pressuring you into “going all the way”
because they don’t know how to accept
a relationship that doesn’t have it.
- Even if you are 100 percent cool
about other people having sex, they will
always think that you’re judging them.
- A lot of self-defined feminists will get
really in your face about this decision,
because on some level they feel like
you’re setting women back, or not using
the gifts that the women’s movement
won for us to have sex when and where
we feel like it. They feel like you’re
choosing to bow to the patriarchy
because you don’t want to do one
specific thing with your body.
- They don’t see this as ironic or
- Sometimes, in this world where
everything is turned into something
sexual and casual hookups have
replaced a lot of real relationships, the
most shocking thing you can do is not
have sex. People are desensitized by
Unclothedness, and sex, and violence,
and any combination of the three, but
abstinence is something we don’t know
how to deal with anymore.