If I Take A Bullet For You…

If i take a bullet for you will you be there to push the wheel chair for me?

If i take a bullet for you will you be there to push the wheel chair for me?

If i take a bullet for you will you be there to push the wheel chair for me?

and then the great question came…
can you take a bullet for your friends?
at first i smiled then i remembered something
and frowned.
i dont have any problem with taking bullets
for someone i consider to be a “close” friend
especially if i’m indebted to you because an
aquarius is one of the most ” Selfless,
altruistic , Loyal And Most Honest Person”
That You Will Ever Meet Especially If They
Like,love,Trust Or respect You But If I Take A
Bullet For You,will You Be There To Push The
Wheelchair For Me When The Going Gets
naturally humans have a trait of a
ungratefulness subconsciously hardwired into
their dna which can only be changed by Christ
or discipline but should it stop us from doing
good? No!.
A Woman Once Donated One Of Her Kidneys
To Save Her Boss Who Later Fired Her
Because She Took Too Long To Recover.
a blind girl once had a faithful boyfriend that
was taking care of her. though she was happy
she had only one wish,if only she could see to
appreciate her boyfriend for standing by
her.one day a letter came in that some has
donated his pair of eyes for her and off to the
surgery they went. after the surgery she could
see and she turned around eagerly to see her
boyfriend only to discover that he was blind. i
cant date or marry you she replied,you are not
in my class and i dont ever want to see you
ever again,i’m too beautiful for a blind boy
like you and she ordered the nurses to walk
out the stupid blind boy that was already
shedding tears.
days later one of the nurses handed a note to
her,it was a letter from the blind boy and it
read “my dear ,i donated my only pair of eyes
for you to see.take good care of the eyes for
me.my only happiness is that your wish has
been fulfilled and you can now see”.
life is nothing ,dont waste your time trying to
impress someone or trying to be a hero cause
many of the people that you think that they
cant live without you actually can! once you
die! life goes on.
few months back a woman lost her only
son.the whole community cried like the world
was about to end,even i God’spower Excellence
couldnt help shedding tears.the sisters wanted
to jump into the grave where they called on
death to come and take them too since it
couldnt spare their only brother if not for
people that restrained them.
right there on the grave yard one of the grave
diggers cracked a joke and one of the sister
didnt know when she bursted into a laugh. life
has gone on,life goes on .
a boy was ashamed of his mum and denied
her several times before friends.it was
because his mother had only one eye and
some parts of her skin were disfigured by a
fire incident. he finished school ,went to the
city ,got a job ,married and never came back
home. one day he received a letter that said
that his mum was dead and he came home. it
was there that he learnt that many years
ago,there was a fire incident that killed his
father ,his mother escaped but bravely ran
back into the burning building when she
remembered that her crying little son was still
inside the building and that was where her eye
and skin became disfigured by the fire.it was
too late to apologize to mum.
a boy used to make fun of one crippled man
in his village with his fellow schoolboys. the
man never responded to their insults. one day
the boy came back from school and was
suprised to to see his mum discussing and
chatting happily with the cripple ,and he left
the boy met his mum and asked “mum what
were you doing with that stupid dirty cripple ?
and the mom
replied “my son,that crippled man is the
reason you are alive today,many years ago as
a toddler you were playing near our village
river the river currents came and took you
away. a crocodile came at full speed to eat
you before that man you were insulting
jumped in to save you ,he later escaped too
but not before the crocodile chumped off a
huge part of one of his legs. he was too poor
to go to a proper hospital to treat himself and
i was too poor to help him for risking his life
to save my son and that was how he became
a cripple.
if i’m willing to take a bullet for you, will you
be there to push the wheelchair for me when
then going gets tough???
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How to relate and work with annoying people.

Some people can be so annoying that sometimes you will feel like giving them a default factory resetting slap!.But dont worry,this article will show you how to adapt to their annoying lifestyle in pther to relate properly with them.
    How to relate and  work with annoying people

Every one of us has that boss, co-worker, client, customer or even friend that gets us annoyed at every given opportunity. The instinctive thing to do is to find a way to put a scissors to the relationship. But a business person can’t just do that, especially when there is monetary value involved.
Though they might not all apply in the same way, a few of these tips will help you deal with that person and get maximum benefits from the relationship
1. Control the amount of time spent with them. You might need to time your meetings with them. Let them know that you only have a specified amount of time to spend as you have other important things to take care of. Give them the impression that you are busy and have other stuff to do. When the amount of time you agreed to spend is up, leave.
2. Take notes and repeat. This one will particularly apply to an annoying boss or client. When they are giving instructions, take notes and repeat the instructions to them before leaving. This will help you avoid any ambiguities or misunderstandings as to the nature of things they want you to do. So the possibility of you being nagged at or disrespected for not doing what they wanted it limited.
3. Set Limits. Let them know their limits as per the kind of conversations they can have with you. Let there be clear boundaries between personal and work related issues. If the person tries to bring up something you do not want to talk about at that time, you could say something like “I’ll love to chat, but could please talk about work during work hours?”.
4. Politely let them know. No matter who they are, you should find a way to politely let them know what they do that annoys you. It might just have been a communication problem all the way. They may not have known that they annoy you at all. So, you could find a way to say something like “I know you mean well and you’re only trying to help me but I don’t like when you refer to my son in our discussions”.
5. Avoid arguments. Though some arguments could be beneficial, especially when parties are trying to reach a decision that’s best for everyone. But arguments with one that annoys you will hurt you more than it will help you. It will drain the energy out of you and you might never even feel like you have won. So if you feel the urge to argue with someone who annoys you at every opportunity, just let them state their point while you listen carefully, then state your points clearly, requesting the other person to let you get done before they talk. Once the conversation is starting to get argumentative, ask to be excused and send them a mail reiterating your viewpoint.
6. Remind yourself it will soon be over. One thing I do whenever I have to relate with an annoying boss or client is that I keep reminding myself that the meeting, day, week or dealing as the case may be will soon be over. So that gears me up to put in my best while it lasts, so I won’t have to get a backlash or redo whatever we’re doing together at the time.

Written by Iyebiye Olawuyi (ikeys)

Reasons why you should be proud to be an Introvert.

This article was written to show you the Reasons why you should be proud to be an Introvert.
    Reasons why you should be proud to be an Introvert.
1. Their creative minds
As Albert Einstein said, “The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind.” While extroverts rely on stimulation from the outside, introverts prefer the inner world of fantasy and imagination. Imagination being the birthplace of innovation and creativity, it stands to reason that many of our most gifted writers, performers, athletes and artists tend toward the introverted end of the spectrum. Steve Martin, Meryl Streep, Shonda Rhimes, JK Rowling and Steven Spielberg are only a small sample of famous introverts who have made the world a more colorful place through their artistic gifts and talents.
2. Their ability to think outside the box
Innies have no desire to conform to society’s rules, preferring to make their own. The mind of an introvert is fertile ground for the development of innovative ideas. Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Wozniak and Bill Gates are cases in point. So, without introverts, we pretty much wouldn’t have Microsoft, Facebook or half of Apple!
3. Their attunement to others
Not surprisingly, many introverts make fantastic therapists. Their attunement to the feelings of others and attention to the inner workings of the mind make them highly empathic and compassionate individuals. This heightened sensitivity to feelings is one of the reasons introverts do better with one-on-one interactions. Since too much stimulation can become overwhelming, they don’t often do well in groups. This may make them appear to be disinterested or bored, but don’t let their quiet demeanor fool you.
4. Their uncanny powers of observation
While they may be the quiet ones in the group, one of the greatest strengths introverts possess is their keen power of observation. The best leaders are the best communicators, and the best communicators are those that know how to listen. Whether in business or relationships, the ability to pick up on the feelings of others by reading between the lines and interpreting what is not spoken, introverts know, will get you further than bulldozing your audience. They know that “knowledge is not gained by flapping your lips, but by removing your ear wax.”[1]
5. Their ability to overcome challenges
Whether they are the left-out kid in the class, the last to be chosen for the soccer team or the employee passed over for the promotion they deserved, many introverts have had to develop their own coping strategies for living as a square peg in a round hole. As with most who haven’t had it easy, they are able to empathize with those in pain and connect with others on a deeper level, which brings us to the next point.
6. Their ability to form genuine connections
Their sensitivity and attunement to others explain their penchant for forging meaningful and lasting connections. Because these relationships adequately satisfy their limited need for social stimulation, they are rarely lonely when alone. To an introvert, alone is not a scary word. It is where they can let down their guard. Their solitude is their sanctuary.
Alone had always felt like an actual place to me, as if it weren’t a state of being, but rather a room where I could retreat to be who I really was. —Cheryl Strayed
7. Their ability to quietly change the world
Because many introverts tend to be on the more reserved side, they are sometimes mistaken for wallflowers or shrinking violets. Rosa Parks was a quiet, demure woman who was anything but a shrinking violet. The same goes for Eleanor Roosevelt, Abraham Lincoln and the countless others who have transformed society. Perhaps contending with their own struggles fueled their dogged efforts to challenge and ultimately change the injustices they witnessed. They are proof that the quiet nature of the introvert is not to be underestimated and that, as Mahatma Gandhi said, “In a gentle way, you can shake the world.”
If you’ve been embraced by an introvert, feel honored. They don’t let just anyone in. But when they do, their fierce loyalty and empathic nature make them some of the best friends, partners, co-workers and bosses anyone can ask for. Their presence is a gift.

Written by Allison Abrams, LCSW-R

Tips for dealing with anxiety

Tips for dealing with anxiety
   tips for dealing with anxiety

You can read all the anti-anxiety advice in the world, but none of this matters unless you take action. To feel more relaxed, to sleep soundly at night, and to put energy into what matters, you have to stop wasting time on tasks that don’t matter.
By the end of this article, your life could become infinitely more productive and Zen-like. Your part is to commit to 15-60 minutes per day and tackle a few of the following 22 anxiety busters below.
The more you commit, the better you’ll feel.
You’re probably familiar with some of these anxiety strategies. But if you experience racing thoughts, tightening in your chest, and shortness of breath, you haven’t done all of them.
Anxiety Buster #1: Start Deep-Breathing
If you’re not focused on how to calm your body through slow, intentional belly-breathing, you’re missing out. Belly-breathing is free, location independent, and easy to implement.
1. Sit with your eyes closed and turn your attention to your breathing. Breathe naturally, preferably through the nostrils, without attempting to control your breath.
2. Be aware of the sensation of the breath as it enters and leaves the nostrils. Place one hand on your belly, and the other on your chest. Take a deep breath for a count of four. Hold your breath for a count of three. Exhale for a count of four. The hand on your belly should go in as you inhale, and move out as you exhale.
3. Concentrate on your breath and forget everything else. Your mind will be very busy, and you may even feel that the meditation is making your mind busier, but the reality is you’re just becoming more aware of how busy your mind is.
4. Resist the temptation to follow the different thoughts as they arise, and focus on the sensation of the breath. If you discover that your mind has wandered and is following your thoughts, immediately return it to the breath.
5. Repeat this as many times as necessary until your mind settles on the breath.
Don’t wait to begin belly-breathing. The sooner you make this a daily habit, the quicker you’ll feel relaxed.
When you implement belly-breathing, you start the day in a here-and-now state. Better yet, you’re not wasting time worrying about the future, or reliving the past.
Anxiety Buster #2: Meditate instead of Medicate
Calm is an inside job. Give yourself the gift of serenity and start the day with ten minutes of solitude and positive energy. Think calm, measured and open-minded, and your daily activities will correspond.
Anxiety Buster #3: Practice Self-Care
Get a massage, a mani-pedi, or a haircut. Nothing says polished and well-maintained like a sexy, healthy glow.
If money is tight, look for a discount salon or a training school which offers quality services for people on a budget. So they don’t serve peppermint tea on a silver tray — close your eyes and imagine that five-star service while you take in the pampering you deserve.
Anxiety Buster #4: Eliminate Soda
That morning jolt of joe can jumpstart your day and provide warmth and comfort, but anything with high fructose corn syrup and 177 other ingredients will not.
If you’re accustomed to that 3:00 p.m. Dr. Pepper, switch it out for a soothing green tea. Not only does the caffeine jack up your central nervous system, soda depletes vitamins and minerals from your diet and wreaks havoc on your smile. Teeth become susceptible to cavities when the acid level of your saliva falls below a certain point.
If you drink soda all day, the outer layers of your teeth begin to lose minerals and cavities form. Many dental plans do not cover root canals + you’ll end with a huge bill. Speaking of which:
Anxiety Buster #5: Trim the Fat from Your Budget
Financial stress is a common reason people contact me for psychotherapy. Debt will keep you up at night and contribute to feelings of low
self-worth and hopelessness.
Take charge of your finances and stop spending on non-essentials.
Track your daily expenses for a week or two and decide where you can cut back. Notice the items you accumulate mindlessly.
Possible eliminators:
Switch out your cable TV for Netflix
Contact your car insurance carrier, your mobile device company, or your credit card company and ask if they’ll reduce your bill
Cancel your newspaper delivery during the week and opt for the Sunday paper, or an online service, instead
Anxiety Buster #6: Get Rid of the Clutter
Do you ever wonder how much time is lost when you can’t find your car keys, or that package of Epson 400 color ink?
Chances are you’ve got too much stuff clogging up your living space.
Try this quick organization hack:
1. Choose a drawer, cabinet or closet
2. Categorize the stuff you don’t use
3. Make three piles for a) Items to throw away, b) Items to donate, and c) Items to sell
Hold a yard sale and use the money to…
Anxiety Buster #7: Plan a Day Trip
When you spend time in nature, you give your mind and body a much needed break from the hustle and bustle which causes you to Google things like “How to get rid of anxiety” in the first place.
Chances are no matter where you live, there’s a serene, interesting and charming place within a couple hours.
Anxiety Buster #8: Go to Bed Early
This may sound impossible if you’re accustomed to staying up late to catch up on the To-Do list. But this one’s a MUST.
Sleep deprivation is a huge anxiety culprit. Inadequate shuteye can amplify the brain’s anticipatory reactions, upping overall anxiety levels, according to research.
“We all have anticipatory anxiety,” explains researcher Fugen Neziroglu. “Having moderate levels of anxiety about doing well is important. But it can be destructive when it begins to interfere with your life.” It’s impossible to have healthy emotional functioning without adequate sleep.
Don’t burn the midnight oil in hopes of catching up on the weekends. Unused sleep minutes don’t roll over.
Anxiety Buster #9 Wake up 15 Minutes Early
Like most anxious people, you’re probably rushing around in the morning and yelling at everyone in your wake, “Hurry up! We’re going to be late!”
Go slowly, and set yourself up for a relaxed day ahead. If you start to worry about the To-Do list, take a deep breath and think, There is enough time.
Anxiety Buster #10: Get Your Lavender On!
Lavender oil has many healing properties and can be used as a natural remedy to reduce anxiety and other nervous conditions. There are many ways to incorporate lavender into your calm tool kit:
1. Add essential lavender oil to your bath water for a calming bath. Use water infused with lavender leaves to soothe painful joints and muscles.
2. Fall asleep quicker when you add a few drops to a tissue and place under your pillow.
3. Use lavender in an oil diffuser to help with
insomnia. The sweet woody smell of the lavender oil helps you to fall asleep and stay asleep.
4. For headaches, apply lavender oil to a cotton ball or your fingertips and massage slowly into your temples. The smell will relax you as the oil eases your headache.
5. Lavender is used in aromatherapy massage as a muscle relaxant. Massage the oil into the skin and unknot the muscles of the back and reduce spasms.
6. Lavender can be used as an expectorant. It breaks up the mucous from nasal and chest congestion that accompanies a cold.
7. Inhale lavender oil to help with pain
management, especially after a workout, a therapy session, or surgery.
Anxiety Buster #11: Reduce Caffeine, Sugar and Processed Foods From Your Diet
Caffeine can cause heart palpitations if you ingest too much. Caffeine also can trigger panic or anxiety attacks, especially if you have an anxiety disorder. Hypoglycemia, or low blood sugar, can also cause palpitations.
Sugar acts as an adrenal stimulant and can cause anxiety or even panic attacks. Other offensive foods include those containing refined flour products, and even wheat since this causes inflammation.
Besides caffeine, and sugar, food allergies are a big contributing factor in your overactive central nervous system. Do this step along with #12…
Anxiety Buster #12: Go Green!
Diet affects anxiety. A morning glass of green juice can get you on the right side of calm.
For a different and delicious way to get your daily vegetables try this recipe: Combine one banana or green apple, a bunch of kale, sliced ginger, one lime, cucumber slices, a few ice cubes, and a cup of water to a blender or juicer. For added protein, add an egg, yogurt, nuts, or protein powder.
Anxiety Buster #13: Know that Feelings Are Not Facts
One of the hardest jobs of a psychotherapist is to convince your anxious client that the feelings of low self-worth, guilt and shame are not accurate. Negative thoughts cause negative feelings. This one’s tricky because many of our negative thoughts are automatic, deeply internalized, and rooted in the unconscious.
Do this in tandem with #14…
Anxiety Buster #14: Challenge Negative Core Beliefs
Remember that thoughts precede feelings. Negative thoughts lead to negative emotions, which lead to negative behaviors. For example:
Jocelyn wakes up and immediately thinks,
I’m gonna blow the PowerPoint presentation today. I just want to stay in bed all day
She feels unmotivated, nervous and sluggish
She yells at her kids when they don’t dress fast enough
How to challenge your negative mood:
1. Record your thoughts periodically. Pay attention to when you feel stressed out.
2. Write the feelings that accompany the thoughts. Think one-word responses like frustrated, angry, worthless and defeated, etc.
3. Challenge reality. This is hard because we tend to lack objectivity about the truth. Is there proof you don’t deserve that job promotion? Were you written up because of shoddy work performance?
If you commit to recording your daily thoughts and feelings, along with reality testing, you’ll see that many of your negative feelings are created in your mind, and not based in reality.
The good news is you created the negative thought, and you can uncreate it.
Anxiety Buster #15: Practice Gratitude
As bad as your situation is, there’s always someone in a worse predicament.
Read a chapter of Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, or check out the headline of the daily newspaper. Be thankful your life is not the feature story.
Make a mental note of the positive things in your life. Remember everything in life is temporary — the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Anxiety Buster #16: Get Some Accountability
If you’re BFF with Nervous Nellie or Anxious Allen, put your keyed-up energy to good use. Vow to work on healthier ways to cope when feeling stressed.
How to get your accountability on:
Share this resource with a friend
Pick a few strategies that resonate with both of you
Make a plan to call each other out when you stray
Give praise when you make positive changes
Start a Facebook group and post regular tips to decrease stress and anxiety
Anxiety Buster #17: Attend a Social Gathering (Even If You Don’t Want To)
If you’re prone to social anxiety, it’s important to make time for socialization. It’s cool to be an
introvert, but know that we live in a universe that revolves around connecting with others.
Anxiety Buster #18: Schedule a Physical Exam to Rule Out a Medical Condition for Your Anxiety
If your anxiety has spiked recently, or if you were previously able to cope with life, and now not so much, your doctor can determine if there’s a medical condition responsible for your anxiety. Ask for a blood panel, and be honest about your symptoms.
Anxiety Buster #19: Schedule a Visit with a Therapist
Nobody deserves to feel bad. A qualified mental
health professional is your best bet if your anxiety is unbearable.
Ask a trusted friend or colleague for a referral, or use the Psychology Today directory for a therapist in your area.
Anxiety Buster #20: Exercise, Exercise, Exercise!
Exercise is nature’s anti-anxiety remedy. Besides clearing the mind, firing up the endorphins, and helping you sleep soundly at night, researchers have found that individuals who exercise vigorously and regularly were 25 percent less likely to develop an anxiety disorder within five years.
Anxiety Buster #21: Accept Your Anxiety
Whether you inherited the “anxiety gene” from your parents, or your lifestyle, or both, accept your anxiety rather than fight it.
It’s not about rolling over and giving up. Understand you have to work hard every day to bring calm to your environment.
Remember there’s always options in life, and worse fates exist than being anxiety-sensitive. After all, when push comes to shove, at the end of the (stressed out) day, anxious people get the job done!
Anxiety Buster #22: Check Out These Free Online Resources
I’ve created a few relaxation audios for you. All resources are free, downloadable and portable.
Click this link.
The key to making the actions above work is consistency. You’re the expert on your life. Choose the ones that work best for you, and give ’em a shot.
See you on the calm side!
Written by Linda Esposito, LCSW, is a psychotherapist helping adults and teens overcome stress and anxiety.

how to Cope With Not Knowing What Happened to a Missing Loved One

how to Cope With Not Knowing What Happened to a Missing Loved One
how to  Cope With Not Knowing What Happened to a Missing Loved One
One of the most heart-rending aspects of the West London Tower Block fire tragedy has been the plight of relatives and friends beside themselves with anxiety and worry over the fate of the missing.
Is trying to cope with uncertainty about the fate of a missing person the worst kind of grief?
Those directly involved with the Grenfell Tower catastrophe might suffer emotional repercussions long after their physical needs have been addressed by emergency efforts. This psychological distress might be neglected by the crisis services. Yet it is the mental impact which could, in the long run, be most disturbing.
This particularly dreadful predicament is referred to by experts as ambiguous loss, because it remains unclear what has definitively happened to the missing person, so the psychology of hope is naturally activated.
Hope becomes a two-edged sword, inspiring at times positive optimism and a desire to keep fighting on, but if or when hopefulness becomes dashed, perhaps even deeper despair follows. It is this turmoil of contrasting emotions, endlessly oscillating between hope and despair, which renders this kind of grieving particularly stressful, and may prevent ‘closure’ or finding mental peace.
Which is worse — to know definitively that a loved one has been killed, or to not know what happened; just that someone has gone missing?
A recent study — ‘Missing or Killed: The Differential Effect on Mental Health in Women in Bosnia and Herzegovina of the Confirmed or Unconfirmed Loss of their Husbands’ — investigated this precise question by comparing the impact on two groups of women living in Bosnia and Herzegovina — those whose husbands were either confirmed as having been killed during the 1992–1995 war, or who were, at the time of the study, officially still listed as ‘missing’ as a result of the war.
Researchers Steve Powell, Willi Butollo, and Maria Hagl found the group with unconfirmed losses had higher levels of traumatic grief, as well as severe depression.
The study, published in the journal European Psychologist, found that the unconfirmed loss of a family member produces more distress, compared with enduring a confirmed loss. The authors conclude that the particularly high levels of severe depression, including suicidal thinking, in this group was especially worrying.
Another recent study, entitled ‘When hope and grief intersect: Rates and risks of prolonged grief disorder among bereaved individuals and relatives of disappeared persons in Colombia,’ compared the bereaved with those who lost a significant other to disappearance, and found that the extent of hope in those dealing with a disappearance predicted ‘Prolonged Grief Disorder.’
Prolonged Grief Disorder is referred to by the authors of this study — Carina Heeke, Nadine Stammel, and Christine Knaevelsrud — as a grief reaction following loss, characterized by intense longing and yearning for the lost person combined with feelings of hopelessness and emptiness over a period of at least six months.
The study, published in the Journal of Affective Disorders, found that the more strongly people hope that their loved one is still alive, the greater the severity of Prolonged Grief Disorder symptoms.
Psychologists have attempted to study how to best counsel those in this predicament and some have argued against delivering ‘false hope.’ It may be that there is a balance to be struck between trying to counsel against unrealistic or unjustifiable levels of hopefulness, and crushing all hope.
While it may seem blindingly obvious what people are hoping for — the person being alive and well — this hope may evolve over time, for example, into praying that the missing person did not suffer.
The problem is that when there is hope, it leads to incessant dwelling on the missing person, interfering with daily life and leading to collapse in the long run.
We have become used to images of missing people collecting on street corners as signifying the hope of those searching for any news; this phenomenon seems to have first been studied as a coping mechanism following the 9/11 tragedy in New York City.
It may be that this is the kind of heartbreak where, uniquely, hope renders you worse.
But many psychologists contend that ambiguous loss is much more common than people realize. For example, when a loved one develops severe dementia, there is a sense in which they remain physically present, but have in a sense also gone missing, in terms of the person you once knew.
Viktor Frankl, the famous psychiatrist who survived the Holocaust, argued that there can be no meaning to our lives without hope, and no hope without meaning. Frankl lived and worked among those for whom there could surely be no hope: They had lost everything, and knew they were going to be killed. Yet he contended that it was possible to find meaning to our lives even in the face of the most brutal and inhuman catastrophe, as he himself had experienced at the hands of the Nazis.
The art of survival would appear to hinge on how to find new meaning and hope in life, according to Frankl, and this might mean having to say goodbye when you remain unconvinced that you can be certain what happened to your loved one. This sometimes feels like a betrayal.
With any ambiguous loss, you are the one who has to make the choice to finally say goodbye, whereas with every other kind bereavement, that decision is forced upon you.
But the fact the victim of ambiguous loss must have experienced love and attachment, for grief is the heavy price we pay for love, and is also perhaps something on which we can base our hope for the future, because that love made life worth it. The very reason for the despair is the foundation for hope for the future.
Written by Raj Persaud and Adrian Furnham

How to identify people with perfectionist tendency

This article was written to help you identify people with perfectionist tendencies so that you can be able to adjust in your relationship with them
 How to identify people with perfectionist tendencies that are difficult to please
Nobody is perfect. This has become an over-flogged mantra. Notwithstanding, there are still some people who feel that everything they do must be 100% especially people with melancholy temperaments. One mistake that they make is that they think being a perfectionist is a good thing. Well although having perfectionist tendencies has its advantages but the downsides are many.
Its easy to identify them because they always want everything to be done perfectly their way, And if this is not the case, they become sad, depressed, and forlorn. Consequently, these very talented people are always having problems not only with themselves but with people around them because having perfectionist tendencies will always make you to be seeing the fault in others . Hence, it would be nice to know how to identify a person with a perfectionist tendency.
1.They are always trying to please everyone
Certainly, we cannot please everybody. But a perfectionist does not understand this. They will try to please others at their own discomfort and detriment. This is why others can easily take advantage of them.

2.people with perfectionist tendency attain their goals by any means
Attaining their goals is what they care about. They do not even mind if they break the rules or go overboard to reach their goals. For them it is more about the end justifies the means and not the other way round. And they are bad losers.

3.A perfectionist can be easily identified because They can never be satisfied
Even if you give your best, you can never satisfy someone who wants things perfectly done. They question everything even the things that are irrelevant. They are very exhaustive and nothing escapes them. Hence, never try to cut corners, a perfectionist will notice it and point it out.

4.This is one thing that i hate about people with perfectionist tendencies although i’m a little bit of a perfectionist myself. They don’t accommodate mistakes
We are bound to make mistakes. But for a perfectionist, it is a sign of failure. As a result, they become gloomy and downcast. If you work with them, they use their standard to measure you and they want you to meet that standard. If you do not, to them you are a disappointment. You will think they have you in mind before.

6.They have all Or nothing thinking
For them, it is either they get everything or nothing. They are not ready to compromise on their very high moral standards. This is why perfectionists are not good negotiators. The only way you can make them happy is to give them everything they want.

7.They over stress themselves over a simple task
There is always a paper basket beside them. In the basket, you will find several rumpled papers. These papers are sheets they use in writing just one simple report. However, because of one simple mistake, they discard it and start all over again.

8.They are legendary procrastinators
Since they bid to make everyone happy, they accept responsibilities they know they cannot perform. But because they want to please that person, they accept the duty and they procrastinate until they do not it. In other situations, they postpone a task because they are not ready to go through the perfection bouts they are addicted to.

9.They find it difficult to celebrate success
You should celebrate success when you achieve it. However, a perfectionist will never because they will be focused on what they could have done better. So, they do not see any reason to be joyous. Do never expect a perfectionist to celebrate success. However, this does not mean they are not happy with what they have achieved. I’m sure that will the knowledge you just gathered from this article you can easily identify a person with perfectionist tendencies so that you can be able to properly adapt to and relate with them.
This article was originally shared by Jumia travel agency JUMIA TRAVEL op nv

Why you can’t rely on will power alone in making new year resolutions and promises

   Why you can't rely on will power alone in making new year resolutions and promises
Have you ever made a new year resolution that you ended up breaking barely few days/weeks later? Well if it has never happened to your it has happened to me several times and that’s why I stopped bothering my self with all this new year resolution stuff.
In life its very easy to make promises but when it comes to keeping it you will discover that things are easier said than done. Most of the time we assume that everything depends on will power but most times willpower fails too because everything has its limits .
Here we are: a new year with a new set of New
Years resolutions.To follow through and turn
those resolutions into results, we’re usually
convinced that willpower is the essential
ingredient. But what if the reason we often fail
in our resolutions hinges less on willpower
and more on avoiding temptations right from
the start? That may sound straightforward,
but, as a new study suggests, it’s an
argument that challenges popular wisdom,
and should change how we think about setting
goals now or anytime of year.
Researchers tracked the lives of 159 college
students over the course of a week. Five times
every day a message was sent to the
participants’ smartphones asking them to
report if they were facing temptations, whether
the temptations conflicted with their goals,
and whether they had exercised willpower to
resist the temptations. They were also asked
to report how mentally depleted they were
At the end of each day, the participants
completed a diary entry describing their
energy levels—from having a lot left in the
tank to being mentally exhausted. As a wrap-
up, the researchers interviewed the students at
the end of the semester to assess their
progress on four important goals they’d
identified at the start of the study.
The results showed that the participants who
spent the most time flexing their willpower via
self-control made less progress toward their
goals than those who experienced the fewest
temptations. And those who experienced the
most temptations, whether or not they tried
resisting them, reported feeling the most
mentally depleted during the day and drained
at night.
The results offer a few takeaways: (1) trying to
resist temptations via willpower is draining,
(2) simply facing temptations, whether or not
we resist them, is draining and (3) being
mentally drained from experiencing
temptations correlates directly with making
less progress. The key takeaway, then, isn’t to
engage temptation with force of will, but to
avoid temptations from the get-go or at least
minimize exposure whenever possible.
The study also assessed the individual
students’ self-control levels before things got
rolling—and there were of course differences—
but the researchers took those into account to
make sure they didn’t color the results.

read also : silly laws that still exist around the world
View also : reasons why you should marry a working class lady
Quoting the researchers: “Against popular and
scientific wisdom, effortful self-control did not
appear to play a role in goal-pursuit,
suggesting that the immediate positive
consequences of exerting willpower do not
translate into long-term goal success.”
As simple as this sounds, it runs counter to
the cult of willpower that dominates thinking
on reaching goals. We tend to think that
overcoming temptation is all about self-
control, as if self-control, wielded with enough
force of will, can overcome any temptation.
Disproving that argument is as easy as
walking into a grocery store hungry.
Beyond our typical self-control challenges,
we’re also increasingly facing the challenge of
managing our attention. Focusing is hard
under the best conditions, but trying to focus
with a smartphone nearby, a web browser
open, a television blaring—all of the above
and more—is plainly insane. And yet some
flavor of that distraction stew is what we’re
operating in every day. What this and similar
studies suggest is that our self-sabotage
begins well before we try fending off
distractions with self-control. Just as it’s a
bad idea to walk into a grocery store hungry,
it’s folly to think you’ll focus with tempting
digital distractions playing for your attention.
That said, it’s a little ironic that the data
gathering method used in this study was
pinging the students’ smartphones. But the
point remains: every ping, alert, message,
whatever, is a tiny temptation, and collectively
they’re a big one. We can’t change that now
baked-in fact of life, but we can—and really,
we have to—develop better ways of managing
So the best thing to do is to eliminate distractions instead of deceiving yourself by living in the midst of your weaknesses while relying on your will power which can fail you. E.g If you are a smoker and your new year resolution or promise is to stop smoking, please avoid friends and environments that entice you into smoking insteading of going to the club where everyone is smoking hoping that some – how your will power can come to your rescue. Happy new year friends


  Very important life lessons
One of the important life lesson
1. Deferring your happiness to the future is a
terrible idea
Too many people presume that when they
have that one thing they can work towards for
years then “everything will be alright”.
This is delusional.
When you get it, there’ll be something else
missing in your life. I fundamentally believe
that long-term pure happiness from one
particular situation or achievement is a pipe-
dream, but we can learn to be content with
what we have, live in the now, all while
enjoying the progress and changes we are
If your whole life is working up towards one
really big major goal that you hold on to for
years, then you will have a major anticlimax
after the dust settles. Work towards it, but
stop deferring your happiness. Take this lesson seriously.
2. Living a good life is the best way possible
to convince people:
Enough words and enough arguing. This is very important because like they say action speaks louder than voice. Just live
by example and soon you’ll have people on
your side when they see your results and how
passionate you are. No need to “convince”
them. Just show them that you are there, tell
them how you got there, and they will start to
realise that maybe you aren’t that crazy after all. They will learn their lesson and adjust accordingly.
3. Nobody has it all figured out. This is one of the important LESSONS life has thought me. Everyone has a problem nomatter how much they try to cover it, this fact has helped to drive home the african proverb which says that the ” he goat sweats but it furs prevents others from seeing it” dont be deceived by the fake smiles and show that almost everyone displays. Dont be deceived by the fake life of most celebrities, dont compare your life to their own because everyone has where the shoe is pinching them.
Nobody has it all figured out
Almost everyone has problems and puts on a
brave face – don’t presume they have it easy.
You see of each person what they let you see.
You have no idea what they are going through
or what they had to put up with to be in a
situation that you can consider “easy”.
This is universal – millionaires, students, the
cool kid, the party animal, the introvert and
everyone in between has more to their story
than the superficial restricted one you see.
Never dismiss them as having it easy if you
don’t know the entire story. Very important!

4. I wonder why most people especially will rather lie than admit that they dont know somethings in life. They is nothing to be ashamed of because no one know it all in life. If you dont know something you should admit it, feel free to ask for help because according to an important african proverb “a traveller that asks questions never misses his destination.
There’s no shame in saying “I don’t know”
There is a stigma in some cultures to admit
ignorance about a particular topic. Don’t
dance around the issue – just say I don’t
know. Honesty is way smarter.
  important things that teacch us painful  lessons in life making us wise.  Foolish money
5. More money will NEVER solve your
As long as you are not living in the street or
going hungry, then you do not “need” more
money. When you spend enough time with
people who are actually living on next to
nothing, but having a full life, then you will
truly understand this. Everything that is
wonderful about life doesn’t cost a penny, and
the rest is way cheaper than you think it is.

 lessons in life that are very important
6. The sixth important life lesson applies to everyone in the information age.
The Internet is the greatest tool ever
available to us, but daily use must be capped
Unlike TVs, the Internet is interactive and
allows you to take part and become virtually
social. It connects communities all over the
world and without it, the last many years
simply would have been much more difficult
for me for many reasons.
Having said that, it has the same potential as
TV to become a black hole of time. Use it to
enrich your life, but put a cap on how much
you use it so you can get out and live that
life. Replacing one screen with another (even
when you use it to chat to people) is just
escaping the real world, which is much more
7. Man’s demands can be insatiable so its very important that you keep it at the back of your mind.
You can’t please everyone
State your opinion and stick to your guns.
Trying to please everyone is a fool’s errand. If
you are confident enough and share your idea
with enough people, you will piss off someone
no matter what you talk about. That’s their
problem, not yours.
View also : The proffessor’s lesson about setting our priorities
View also : real life tips for students
8. Trying to be cool or following trends is for
mindless sheep
Peer pressure is for people who are afraid of
their individuality in life. You are unique. Stand up for yourself, and
go against the flow if that’s what you feel is
best. What’s cool now will be frozen over in a
few years.
9. I wonder why people find it difficult to say this magic words “i’m SORRY” . C’mon its very important that you learn how to make use of it. Swallow your pride and apologise
Never hold a grudge and never try to win every
argument. Sometimes it’s best to let your
pride slide for the sake of clearing the air with
someone. Be the first to say you’re sorry.
Never wait for the other person to make the
first move.
10. Doing anything specifically to impress
people is stupid: Now this is a very important life lesson.
People will never give you the validation you
seek if you try to be a dancing monkey for
them. Saying how many languages you speak,
how rich you are, who you know, where you
studied or what you do for a living, or trying
to show-off in any other way to get someone
to like you, or working for these things just for
the bragging rights will leave you really
People are impressed by those who aren’t
trying to impress them and are comfortable in
themselves and social and interesting.
Sometimes to be “interesting” all you have to
do is be a good listener.
  important things that teacch us painful  lessons in life making us wise.  Foolish money
11. Love isn’t “all” you need, but if you don’t
have it in some form, your life will be very
We don’t need love to survive, but without it
there will be a huge hole inside you. Make
sure that every day you have someone (family,
friends, lover) to remind you that you are
special. In Life If you postpone this part of your life
until later , after you get or do that thing you
want to do, you will continue in that lonely
path indefinitely.
View also : how to use fear to your own advantage
12. The last life lesson in this list :
You don’t know what you’ve got ’till its
Don’t take anything for granted.
The most valuable lessons in life can never
be expressed in black and white, but must be
You don’t know what you’ve got ’till its

15 most interesting psychology facts

  1. Most people have a favorite song because
    they associate it with an emotional event in
    their lives.

  2. Studies have shown that spending money
    on others provides more happiness than
    spending it on yourself.
    ( 9 common misconceptions about money

3.psychology has proven that certain religious
practices like prayer and attending services is
associated with lower psychological distress

  1. Music affects the way you perceive the way people perceive the world. The type of songs that you listen to on your playlist influences your subconscious and how you think .

  2. If you remember a past event, you’re
    actually remembering the last time you
    remembered it rather than the event itself.

  3. Intelligent people are more likely to
    underestimate themselves, while ignorant
    people are more likely to believe they’re

  4. By surrounding yourself with happier
    people, you’ll become happier too. ( how to boost your happiness hormones )

  5. While money can buy happiness to an
    extent, studies show that after $75,000 per
    year, increased income does little to boost

9.women that are very brilliant find it very difficult finding a suitable mate. (
how To take care of your brain in other to increase intelligence )

10.good liars are better at detecting lies told by others .
common lies that women tell men in relationships

12.the more you talk about someone the more likely it is that you will fall in love with them.(
signs that show that she loves you

13.fact : people that pretend not to care are actually the ones that care the most

14. When you cry the first drop of tears will come from the right eye if its tears of joy and left if its tears of sorrow.

15.another fascinating psychology fact is that it takes less than four minutes one second to fall in love (
9 signs that show she doesn’t really love you . )

11 tips on how to speak effectively in public

#speaking in public

11 tips on effective public speaking.

Speaking out in public can be very hectic if you are not used to it. It becomes even harder if you are the shy type or if you have inferiority complex but if you can learn how to use this 11 beautiful tips effectively you will find out that your phobia for speaking in public will be gone in a jiffy! and your proficiency will quadruple !

  1. Appearance and dressing : if you want to be a public speaker then you must learn how to dress well because there is an adage that says that how you dress is how you will be addressed . If you are hoping to impress and convince your audience you must make sure that you don’t look like something that just came out of a rabbit hole . Your dressing will give you confidence / aura of authority and it will make you audience to love You.

  2. Visual contact :You must learn how to look into your audience eyes eyeball to eyeball if you want to be a very efficient public speaker. Psychology Has shown that looking into your audience or listener’s audience subconsciously convinces them of your sincerity (that’s why thieves,liars and relationship cheats uses this trick when they are Lying to you because it works . For a start if you are too jerky or nervous to look into their eyes you can look up or you can decide to be looking into the crowd without looking at anybody in particular but never look or keep your Handsome Beautiful face down when you are speaking in public unless you want to mess up! .

  3. If you must be very efficient in public speaking then your introduction must be self captivating. The introductory lines that you use can decide how attentive you listeners will be. You can start with a question or a food for thought and that will make them to become interested in the things that you have to say.

  4. Be self confident: most of the time people see you through a reflection of the mirror through which you see yourself so you must be confident if you want people to listen when you talk.

5: fluency : practice and develop you language and communication skill . If you break down halfway without completing and linking your sentences coherently to new ones then you will be conveying the wrong impression of you self and your preparedness to your audience.

  1. You must be sure of what you are talking about , do you homework well so that you can make good points or how do you expect to convince your audience when you are not even convinced yourself.

10.every successful public speaker has a written or mental outline so you must have one if you want to succed

  1. Use the perfect conclusion to summarize all you points and keep praticing because practice makes perfect.

  2. Handsomebeauty.wordpress.com>>> you can add your thoughts and other points using the comment box.

Written by God’spower excellence nwachukwu

list of relationship qualities that attractive women love in men

  list of most important qualities that women
consider attractive in men especially in
there are lots of qualities that women consider attractive in men. some times its not all about looks and money ,other qualities count too! such as

1 .A man that has purpose. Whether it is his
devotion to a career, or how he volunteers his
time after hours, when a man has purpose and
dedication, it is unbelievably attractive. it is a quality that every woman really desires deep down in a man of their dreams.

2 .A man that can fix things. women love men that can play the role of a knight in shining armour,It’s not that we
don’t want to be self-reliant because most
woman value independence, it’s just that when
a man can fix things it is incredibly sexy, and
not to mention, economical.

3 A man that cares about his family. A man
that takes responsibility and cares for his
family – whether it be elderly parents, a
sibling, or a misguided relative – it shows
maturity and love, and both of those are
definitely attractive.

4 . aman’s hands. Maybe it’s because they
can fix, create, and provide great pleasure.
#5 A man that has dreams, and follows them.
Goals in life are crucial if a person wants to
amount to something, and make a difference.
There is nothing sexier than a man that knows
what he wants, and pursues it with a fiery
      list of most important qualities that women
consider attractive in men especially in
6 .A man with class. Chivalry is not dead. A
man that has class – not “swag” – is
completely gorgeous. Open doors, wear pants
at the waist, and tell a woman how lovely she
looks.this is also a very attractive quality that they seek in a relationship.

7 A man that isn’t afraid to communicate
how he truly feels. Women don’t really want
the strong, silent type; it’s too damn difficult.
What women find attractive is a man that can
tell us exactly what he needs and wants, and
how he is feeling. when a man can express himself they love it.

8 A man that takes care of us in bed. A
woman finds it very pleasing when a man
cares about her needs in bed. A real man
doesn’t just pump, shoot and roll over, but
instead works on making a woman very
satisfied before calling it a night.

9 A man with manners. although women love bad boys it doesnt mean that you should lose your manners completely,Knowing how to
address a senior, behave properly around a
mother, and eat without resembling a troll is
always appealing for a woman.
    list of most important qualities that women
consider attractive in men especially in
10 A man that is confident, but not cocky.
Confidence is so hot, but a man with a Kanye-
sized ego is not. A man that knows he is good
at something, but doesn’t always feel the need
to preach is what a woman really wants.

#beautiful smile #laughter

11 .A man that likes to laugh, and make us
laugh. Laughing has been proven to make
people live longer, happier lives. If a man can
make a woman laugh and laugh along with
her, that is a double win. laughter is an attractive quality in both men and women.

12 A man that can admit to his mistakes.no matter how attractive you are if you can’t admit to your mistakes then something is wrong ,pride kills relationships, I’m
talking about small mistakes like getting us
lost, and big mistakes like forgetting
birthdays. If a man can admit to his
wrongdoing and acknowledge that he is in
fact, only human, that is very appealing.

13 A man that is intelligent. A PhD isn’t
necessary, but a man that can hold his own in
whatever topic he is passionate about, is so
attractive. Also, books are always sexy.

14 A man that isn’t afraid of commitment.
Women are tired of hearing that the reason we
can’t find an amazing relationship is because
men are afraid of commitment. That’s bull. A
man that isn’t afraid of saying “yes, I will be
yours, and I promise to stay yours until we
agreed otherwise” is the most attractive.

15 A man that can surprise us. This isn’t just
pulling surprise birthday parties or coming
home with flowers. This is being able to pull
out amazing maneuvers that leave us feeling
like you are capable of anything and
Read also : avoid this type of men if you want
relationships that will lead to marriage

16 A man that can cook. Feeding a woman
can be the gateway to her heart. If you can
provide a woman with a delicious meal, she
will undoubtedly find you irresistible.

17 A man that is an amazing dad. Being a
parent takes an absurd amount of time and
energy, and if a man is willing to change
disgusting diapers, endure sleepless nights
and play dress up, that is totally alluring to a
woman who wants kids.

18 A man that can motivate us. Maintaining
inspiration is often tough at times when life
has got you feeling down and out. When a
man can motivate you to continue to pursue
your dreams, it is definitely an obvious plus.

19 A man that isn’t afraid to grow. A person
shouldn’t stop trying to improve themselves
and the world they live in. Life is a continual
learning process and a man that can celebrate
that is more appealing than one that is set in
his age-old ways.

20 A man that owns his nerdiness.
Memorizing an entire series like Star Wars, or
being obsessed with video games is
completely fine, as long as a man can own it.
And of course, as long as it doesn’t consume
too much of his time and energy to an
unhealthy point.

21 A man that can cuddle. Being embraced
by a protective, loving, real-life teddy bear is
one of the most comforting things in the
world. If a man can provide that, he is
instantly attractive to a woman keep in mind
time and place, of course

22 A man that doesn’t mind taking out the
garbage. The little stuff seems small but truly
counts. If a man can help out with minute
tasks such as dishes and share life’s load of
responsibilities, they are more attractive than
any super model.
Read also : breaking up with your partner in relationships
23 A man that we can have fun with. Life
should be lived to the fullest, and that means
having as much fun as possible. We are here
for a good time, so if a man can have fun with
us, we find them completely charming.

24 A man that loves the environment. We are
part of our environment, and a man that
acknowledges this and cares for the world
around him is almost too sexy to handle.

25 A man that will love us the way we are.
Women have to deal with enough self-doubt
from the world around them, and the last
thing they need is a man telling them they
should change X,Y or Z. A man that loves a
woman for who she is, and not what she looks
like, or what job she holds is a beautiful thing.
now men if you want to be irrestibly attractive to you wife,spouse ,girlfriend, lover,crush or anybody make sure you start practicing this important relationship tips and advice that has being given #handsomebeauty

Godspower Nwachukwu

why worry when you can pray???

                   why worry when you can pray?

a lot of us have formed the habit of having a pessimistic outlook in life or worrying too much but I have discovered that worrying can never solve your problem ,it only makes you troubles double ! and that was why Jesus asked us to stop worrying because he carETH for you
according to Wikipedia , Worry refers to the thoughts, images and
emotions of a negative nature in which mental
attempts are made[vague ] to avoid anticipated
potential threats.As an emotion it is
experienced as anxiety or concern about a real
or imagined issue, often personal issues such
as health or finances, or broader issues such
as environmental pollution and social or
technological change. Most people experience
short-lived periods of worry in their lives
without incident; indeed, a moderate amount
of worrying may even have positive effects, if
it prompts people to take precautions (e.g.,
fastening their seat belt or buying fire
insurance) or avoid risky behaviours (e.g.,
angering dangerous animals, or binge
drinking ).

Excessive worry is the main component of
generalized anxiety disorder
Anxiety manifests itself in multiple ways and
does not discriminate by age, gender, or race.
Stressful events such as a test or a job
interview can make anyone feel a bit anxious.
And sometimes, a little worry or anxiety is
helpful. It can help you get ready for an
upcoming situation. For instance, if you’re
preparing for a job interview, a little worry or
anxiety may push you to find out more about
the position. Then you can present yourself
more professionally to the potential employer.
Worrying about a test may help you study
more and be more prepared on test day.
But excessive worriers react quickly and
intensely to these stressful situations or
triggers. Even thinking about the situation can
cause chronic worriers great distress and
disability. Excessive worry or ongoing fear or
anxiety is harmful when it becomes so
irrational that you can’t focus on reality or
think clearly. People with high anxiety have
difficulty shaking their worries. When that
happens, they may experience actual physical

Can Excessive Worry Make Me Physically Ill?
Chronic worry and emotional stress can
trigger a host of health problems. The problem
occurs when fight or flight is triggered daily by
excessive worrying and anxiety. The fight or
flight response causes the body’s sympathetic
nervous system to release stress hormones
such as cortisol. These hormones can boost
blood sugar levels and triglycerides ( blood
fats) that can be used by the body for fuel.
The hormones also cause physical reactions
such as:
Difficulty swallowing
Dry mouth
Fast heartbeat
Inability to concentrate
Muscle aches
Muscle tension
Nervous energy
Rapid breathing
Shortness of breath
Trembling and twitching
When the excessive fuel in the blood isn’t
used for physical activities, the chronic
anxiety and outpouring of stress hormones
can have serious physical consequences,
Suppression of the immune system
Digestive disorders
Muscle tension
Short-term memory loss
Premature coronary artery disease
Heart attack
If excessive worrying and high anxiety go
untreated, they can lead to depression and
even suicidal thoughts.
Although these effects are a response tou
stress, stress is simply the trigger. Whether or
not you become ill depends on how you
handle stress. Physical responses to stress
involve your immune system, your heart and
blood vessels, and how certain glands in your
body secrete hormones. These hormones help
to regulate various functions in your body,
such as brain function and nerve impulses.
All of these systems interact and are
profoundly influenced by your coping style and
your psychological state. It isn’t the stress
that makes you ill. Rather, it’s the effect
responses such as excessive worrying and
anxiety have on these various interacting
systems that can bring on the physical illness.
There are things you can do, though, including
lifestyle changes, to alter the way you

. Another step
to reduce worry is to make a plan and take
action and take “care of your brain” by
sleeping enough, getting exercise, and eating
a healthy diet (without a “lot of carbs, junk
food, alcohol, drugs, etc). Hallowell
encourages worriers to get “regular doses of
positive human contact” such as “a hug or a
warm pat on the back.”
the. summary of everything is stop worrying ,pray ,feel free to discuss your problems with others because worrying about it alone can. not solve anything.!

A stressed man was in his office thinking deeply.
Suddenly one man ran inside shouting “Paul, Paul,
Paul your daughter Swanta just had an accident and
died!” Shocked and confused, He jumped out of his
office through the window. As soon as he does, he
remembered his office is on the 7th floor, as he
descends lower, he remembered he
doesn’t have a daughter called Swanta, still
descending, he remembered he’s not even married,
just 2 floors b4 he hits the ground, he remembered
his name is not actually Paul…!
Luckily for him, he fell on a Lorry carrying foams….
Stop thinking too much in this world of troubles..
God is always in control.. Relax, Grab a glass of
chilled Juice, and also keep praying until something
Remember this:

written by Gods power excellence nwachukwu

Signs that show that she has fallen in love with you

You may not know it but there are many signs that show if someone has fallen in love with you or not. These signs vary because of the wide range of personality traits in the world but when it comes to matters of the heart the difference is little because when people fall in love with you they tend to display some a fixed set of emotions or character that is the same all over the world because love is a universal language of all Human beings . Below is a list of signs that show that she has fallen in love with you!

  1. She gives you attention just like a mother toward her child
    It is natural that every woman has motherly affection. Therefore, when she falls in love, this kind of maternal behavior will arise unconsciously. Do not be surprised if she suddenly becomes very concerned, even nags you with a lot of small things. She may suddenly feel uneasy to see the stains on your clothes, or feel worried when you are eating too much junk food. Try to respond heir attention with gratitude. Do things that she suggests to show that you take her advice seriously. Give her little compliment and by saying, “Wow, you could be a good mother.”

  2. She looks happy when she is with you:
    This is another definite sign that will show that she has fallen in love with you, A woman would show a bright facial expression when she is with her loved ones. Just try to observe her eyes, smile, and her gestures. If she looks more cheerful and her eyes shine brighter it is likely a sign that she enjoys to be at your side. Note also if she talks and laughs a lot, it can be a significant sign that she loves you.

  3. Notice the intensity of her eye contact
    Women who are in love will try to steal a glance at your eyes. In some cases for a shy woman, her face will turn red and abruptly turned away when you realize that she was watching over your face. Try also to look at her straight in the eyes when conversing. If you feel there is some kinds of electricity that goes behind your back while looking into her eyes, it is most likely that the chemistry between two of you has been established.trust me once you notice this that means that she has fallen for you but beware because some bad girls can fake some of the signs here but when you use your discretion you will you the real truth.

  4. She suddenly becomes unusually shy
    This sign is a common physical reaction when a woman is in love. Suddenly, she will become more timid when it comes to interacting with you.
    This attitude on some women usually followed by attitude to tend to avoid you in the early period of falling in love. Some women also tend to start avoiding the one they love at the initial stage for no reason.

  5. Exhibiting childish behavior in front of you
    In some cases, there are some women who actually act childish when they are in love. They will not hesitate to raise their tune of their voice, scream, jump around, or giggle loudly to draw your attention. Note also their speaking style, which at first glance would sound warmer just like a small child.

  6. Gifts
    Giving a gift shows that a woman considers you as someone special. In any of her gifts to you, -whether it is birthday gifts, Valentine gifts, or simply a souvenir from her trip- there is affection and intimacy from her. But make no mistake, not all gifts that are given by a woman signifies that she is in love with you. Try to think, whether the gifts that you received are special, or just same gifts that she gave to her other friends. Note also her attitude when she gives it to you

  7. She asks a lot of questions about your life
    If a woman is attracted to you, then she would likely ask a lot of questions. Those questions ranging from small things such as your hobbies and favorite activities, to bigger matters such as your future plan. She would also demand further explanation if she feels that your answers do not satisfy her curiosity.
    When you realize that a woman is attracted to you and starts to ask a lot of questions,Don’t lie just to impress her, as it has bad impact in the long run.

  8. She takes the initiative to start a conversation
    Usually under a normal conditions, men is the one who takes the initiative in a conversation.
    A woman who is in love would continue to spend a lot of time talking to you. They want to be in the conversation as long as possible. Therefore, when the conversation stops, she will try to find a new topic so that both of you can continue talking.

  9. She shows some interest toward you hobby and favorite activities
    You might encounter a situation when suddenly a woman starts to listen to the songs that you like or ask a lot of questions about your hobbies. She also asks you to be involved in your favorite activities and happily shows enthusiasm towards them. Be cautious boys, this might be a sign that she is in love with you.
    If a woman suddenly shows interest in the game that you play, your favorite TV shows, or activity that you usually do, it is likely that she wants to spend some time with you.

  10. She tries to impress you physically by dressing better,
    If you realize that a woman tries hard to impress you with their dresses, hairstyle, accessories, and her physical attractions, it is likely she wants to get your attention.
    If you are aware of this fact, do not miss the opportunity to compliment her looks. Give compliment to her dresses, or her new hair style. Make her feels that her effort to impress you is paid-off.

Source:handsomebeauty’s blog

Make sure you read the following posts

advice from a mother to spinsters


general buhari’s first hundred days in office

The first one hundred days have just passed
since President Muhammadu Buhari assumed
office to run the affairs of the country for the
next four years. Even though Presidency and
All Progressives Congress (APC) sources have
played down the first hundred days as a
period to take a measure of their new
administration, we believe that a journey of a
thousand miles starts with a step in the right
direction to reach the destination on schedule.
We are gratified to note that the personality
and charisma of President Buhari has brought
new impetus and esteem to the Presidency
both at home and abroad. His image as a
man of integrity, as well as his credibility to
fight corruption has made many government
officials to sit up. Government appears to be
working better than before, and we hope this
will become a permanent feature of
governance in Nigeria.
The decision of the president and his vice
president to unveil their assets to the public is
well received, and we hope all who are going
to work with them will be made to follow suit.
This will give the anti-graft war the muscle of
legitimacy when the public is convinced that
the government is leading it by example.
We also applaud gains being made in the war
to eradicate the Boko Haram terrorism. We
are solidly behind this effort, and hope the
mission will be accomplished ahead of the
December deadline to enable the displaced
citizens to return home and the rebuilding to
We, however, note that the delay in
constituting the cabinet, whatever excuses the
Presidency is making for it, has sown the
seeds of uncertainty in the system and kept
the nation in great suspense. We hope the
president speeds up the process and also
unfolds his vision and the direction the
country will go under his watch.
We are also disturbed by the pattern of
appointments so far made. We particularly
note that Section 14 of the Constitution has
not been respected to ensure that even the
“kitchen cabinet” or inner sanctum of the
Presidency reflects the federal character to
give all sections of the country a sense of
We condemn the lopsided nature of the
appointments and the total exclusion of the
South South and South East zone while a
section of the country predominates. Steps
should quickly be taken to correct the
We believe that it is only when all Nigerians
have a sense of belonging that they will fully
cooperate and support the government to
achieve its electoral mandate. Buhari must
bring all Nigerians on board.
We are very optimistic that Buhari has what it
takes to succeed and wish him the best of


five reasons why beautiful runs girls find it difficult settling down with a man

You don’t need a pretty face or a curvy body
to make a cute responsible man fall in love
with you.
Any man whether responsible or
irresponsible,good or bad can get attracted to
a curvy pretty chic at instant glance but that
is where the danger lies because even when
most men are only willing to have a taste of
your curves,most outwardly pretty ladies tend
to fool themselves with the fact that they are
getting attention from many men because
indeed that is where it mostly
Have you ever bothered to ask why the not too
outwardly beautiful chics are getting married
quickly and also getting hooked to super cute
responsible men while most sweet looking
chics keep jumping from one man to another?
Have you wondered why many ladies with
costly Brazilian hair and sophisticated looks
keep losing their men to ladies on low cut
with simple looks?
Here are some reasons and i hope it makes
sense to you all.
1.Arrogance: The supposed not too beautiful
ones with simple looks are
humble.submissive,non abusive and level
headed while the supposed outwardly beautiful
ones can’t just seem to pipe down and be
serene with the men in their lives because
they always have the subconscious believe
that men will always come for them just to
realize too late that most of the men that
come for them do not actually come for them
but for their body and of-course after having
their way with them will likely dump them and
move on to the next available sweet chic
2.Highest bidder: Many ladies with hot bodies
tend to have this subliminal feelings that they
are too hot for just any man with little cash to
have so they tend to hope for a rich dude to
buy them and they unfortunately realize too
late that a rich man has enough money to buy
as many hot chics as he can afford and once
the guy has spent a ample sum on her if she
is lucky to find one, she will be relegated and a
new chic will definitely come on board.
3.Excessive body flaunting: When you flaunt
your body as a hot girl,you are simply acting
like a decoy and we all know how people treat
sample products,they are showcased for
people to see,touch and test and when its time
to buy the actual product, we tend to demand
for the ones sealed in the carton so the more
you flaunt that sexy curve the more you are
passing an indecent message to the guys.
4.Attention lovers : Yes its quite fascinating to
be admired and wanted by many men and this
feeling can keep many hot chics unmarried for
a very long time because the admiration they
enjoy from men is so overwhelming that they
can’t just imagine giving that up to be with a
5.Being too picky: I will not blame any hot
chic for this but then many of them just don’t
know when to back down as they wil be bent
on having a dude to compliment their hotness
but unfortunately it does not work this way in
the real world and they tend to realize too late
and just pick any available one and this is why
you see many hot chics ending up with guys
that do not match up at all and this is
because they have given up sweet guys hoping
to get drop dead gorgeous ones.
My advice to ladies generally whether hot or
not is Just to keep a level head and be
humble and trust me, even the most
handsome and responsible men will come
begging to have you for keeps.
Its never about outward beauty but its all
about the beauty of the mind and even a man
who have sworn to date or marry a super
curvy chic will melt if he comes across a
humble,submissive,non abusive straight
shaped lady with a quality of a real virtuous
Guys are wiser now and a reasonable man will
not mind to marry a humble respectful ugly
lady rather than have a manner-less and
sharp tongued sex symbol as a wife but would
rather bleep and dump such.
Hope this help.


why women that are raped or sexually Abused find it difficult to fall in love/trust men again

why women that are raped or sexually Abused find it difficult to fall in love/trust men again

Of the many ills in the society, sexual abuse
on women seems to be widespread. Sexual
abuse entails the forcing of undesired sexual
behavior by one person upon another.
Activities like unwanted touching or kissing,
unwanted rough or sexual activity, rape or
attempted rape, sexual contact with someone
who couldn’t give a clear or concise ‘yes’ or
‘no’ as a result of being drunk, drugged, or
unconscious and repeatedly pressuring
someone to have sex or perform sexual acts
all constitute sexual abuse.
Lots of women have been sexually violated
when they were younger and have carried this
hurt and pain into adulthood. While some talk
about it, others are too embarrassed to admit
the abuse and relate their experiences to other
people. They go through different emotional
thread ranging from shock, dismay, fear, panic
and finally anger. They work these into their
personalities and become extremely cautious
women who get edgy when interested men
approach them for healthy relationships.
Below are some reasons why sexually abused
women find it hard to love:
Dealing With Trust
One of the elements of love is trust. To be able
to love, these women have to give in to trust.
Sexually abused women who are far from
healing find it hard to trust their partners.
They might have been sexually abused by a
trusted person so it takes time for them to get
out of their protective shell. Insensitive men
may see them as unyielding.
Sexually abused women still find themselves
going through that ordeal again. Some of
them are traumatized and can’t sleep without
seeing the abuser hurt them afresh. They
dwell in the past and take time to understand
that someone could be genuinely interested in
This is the starting point of the abuse.
Sexually abused women may get extremely
nervous when it comes to sex as it affects
their sexual health. Their partners’ touch may
trigger memories and sensations of the
original abuse therefore causing interference
with pleasure. Men who don’t know about
their past may get tired of their continued
dissociation and opt out instead of helping
them separate rape from sex.
Inability to put the blame where it belongs
Sexually abused women tend to replay the
abuse scene over and over. They consider the
options of how things could have been done
differently. And sometimes wonder if the fault
was theirs or that of the rapists. They get
carried away with their emotional battles and
end up being bitter.
Fear of rejection after sharing
Most of the sexually abused women prefer to
have non-committal relationships. They are
afraid the men may view them differently after
sharing the part of their sexual abuse; so
most times they withdraw and avoid getting
too close to the men around them.

women and tatoos : the psychological effect

Tattoo is often regarded as a fashion
statement, which has largely been embraced
my some and strongly despised by some
others. Be that as it may, it is simply defined
as a picture or design that is marked or drawn
on a person’s skin by making small holes in
the skin with a needle and filling them with
coloured ink.
It is believed in some quarters that men do it
mostly to enhance their masculinity or for
some identification but there are mixed
perceptions about women having it,
sometimes connoting that such women do it
to express their confidence and create an
identity for themselves.
Meanwhile, a study by some researchers at the
University of Texas at San Antonio, United
States, found that men are likely to see women
with tattoos as more sexy and promiscuous.
In fact, a 2003 study reviewed by medicaldaily
found that men are more likely to approach a
woman with a butterfly tattoo on her lower
back compared to one with no tattoo.
Interestingly, it was found that such men
perceive such women (with tattoo) to be open
to romantic advances, ready to have sex on
the first date, go out on a date and be more
sexually active.
However, in a study to examine how tattoos
influence public perception of women, Lisa
Oakes, a researcher involved some psychology
students comprising 135 females and 86
males in the study. Oakes showed them four
photos of a woman. In one of the photos, the
woman had no tattoo, while in the three other
photos, she had tattoos with different
They (the participants) were then asked, after
looking at the pictures, to rate the woman on
how they perceived her sex drive, openness to
casual sex, attractiveness, intelligence,
warmth and how sexy she is.
The students perceived the woman as having
a higher sex drive, more open to casual sex
and less selective when they rated her based
on the pictures where she had tattoos
compared to where she had none. Overall, the
students explained that the tattoos gave an
impression of a woman that would likely be
more promiscuous.
In another study by a psychologist, Nicolas
Guéguen, of the University of Southern
Brittany, France, it was found that men often
overestimate and misinterpret the sexual
intentions of women when they have tattoos
on their bodies.
The result of his research, published on
pschologytoday.com, showed that men are
23.67 per cent more likely to approach women
with tattoos than those without. It also found
that if the same men see the same women
without tattoos, the percentage would drop to
10 per cent.
Interestingly, it was found that when men
sight women with tattoos, they often don’t
waste time before making contact with such
women unlike with those who have no tattoos.
It identified a time difference of 11 minutes.
In another study, Gueguen found that men who
have tattoos feel they would more easily get a
date or have sex with females they meet at
the beach provided they display their tattoo,
unlike when they don’t..

signs that show that you are an introvert

Introversion is a personality trait
characterized by a focus on internal feelings
rather than on external sources of stimulation.
While introverts and extroverts are often
viewed in terms of two extreme opposites, the
truth is that most people lie somewhere in the
middle of the extroversion-introversion
Do you assume that you know who is an
introvert and who isn’t? While you might think
of an introvert as a shy wallflower who prefers
to stay home alone instead of socialize,
introverts can actually come in many types
with a wide variety characteristics.
Continue Reading Below
There are certainly plenty of introverts who are
socially reserved and who would prefer to stay
home and read a book rather than go to a big
party, but there are also plenty of introverts
who enjoy socializing. You might even be
surprised to learn that many people who you
think of as “social butterflies” might actually
be quite introverted.
The following are just a few of the signs that
you (or someone you know) might be an
Being Around Lots of People Drains Your
Do you ever feel exhausted after spending time
with a lot of people?
See Also: What Is Personality and Why Does It
After a day interacting with others, do you
often need to retreat to a quiet place and have
an extended amount of time all to yourself?
One of the major characteristics of this
personality type is that introverts have to
expend energy in social situations, unlike
extroverts who gain energy from such
That doesn’t meant that all introverts avoid
social events altogether. Many introverts
actually enjoy spending time around others,
with one key caveat – introverts tend to prefer
the company of close friends.
Continue Reading Below
While an extrovert might go to a party with
the goal to meet new people, an introvert goes
with the intent of spending quality time talking
to good friends.
You Enjoy Solitude
As an introvert, your idea of a good time is a
quiet afternoon to yourself to enjoy your
hobbies and interests. A few hours alone with
a good book, a peaceful nature walk, or your
favorite television program are great ways to
help you feel recharged and energized.
This does not mean that the average introvert
wants to be alone all the time. Many
introverts love spending time with friends and
interacting with familiar people in social
situations. They key thing to remember is that
after a long day of social activity, an introvert
will probably want to retreat to a quiet place
to think, reflect, and recharge.
If having a few hours to be along sounds like
your idea of a good time, you just might be an
You Have a Small Group of Close Friends
One common misconception about introverts
is that they don’t like people. While introverts
typically do not enjoy a great deal of
socializing, they do enjoy having a small
group of friends to whom they are particularly
close. Instead of having a large social circle of
people they know only on a superficial level,
introverts prefer to stick to deep, long-lasting
relationships marked by a great deal of
closeness and intimacy.
If your social circle tends to be small, but very
close, there’s a pretty good chance you are an
People Often Describe You as Quiet and May
Find It Difficult to Get to Know You
Introverts are often described as quiet,
reserved, mellow, and are sometimes mistaken
for being shy. While some introverts certainly
are shy, people certainly should not mistake
an introvert’s reserve for timidity. In many
cases, people with this personality type simply
prefer to choose their words carefully and not
waste time or energy on needless chit-chat.
If you are the quiet type and a little bit
reserved, you probably are an introvert.
Too Much Stimulation Leaves You Feeling
Distracted and Unfocused
When introverts have to spend time in
activities or environments that are very hectic,
they can end up feeling unfocused and
overwhelmed. Extroverts, on the other hand,
tend to thrive in situations where there is a lot
of activity and few chances of becoming
bored. According to at least one study,
researchers have found that introverts tend to
be more easily distracted than extroverts,
which is part of the reason why introverts tend
to prefer quieter, less harried settings.
If you tend to feel overwhelmed in busy social
situations, you probably tend to be an
Final Thoughts
Remember, introversion is not an all-or-
nothing characteristic. People can be what
you might call introverts with a capital I (aka
“very introverted”) or they might be outgoing
in some situations with some introverted
tendencies. Introversion exists on a continuum
with extroversion, and most people tend to lie
somewhere between the two.
One type isn’t “better” than the other. Each
tendency can have benefits and drawbacks
depending upon the situation. By better
understanding your personality, however, you
can learn how to play to your strengths.


signs that show that you are an extrovert

Some of the general characteristics associated
with extroversion include:
•Numerous, broad interests
•Likes to communicate by talking
•Enjoys being at the center of attention
•Tends to act first before thinking
•Enjoys group work
•Feels isolated by too much time spent
•Looks to others and outside sources
for ideas and inspiration
•Likes to talk about thoughts and
Think you might be an extrovert? Check out
our list of five of the key traits common to this
type of personality.
You Love to Talk
You don’t just enjoy talking to friends, family
members, and co-workers; you love to strike
up conversations with total strangers.
See Also: What Is Personality and Why Does It
You love to meet new people and learn about
their lives. Unlike introverts who tend to think
before they speak, extroverts tend to speak as
a way to explore and organize their thoughts
and ideas.
Extroverts also tend to have a wide circle of
friends. Since you are so good at meeting new
people, striking up conversations, and you
genuinely enjoy the company of others, it
probably is no surprise that making friends
comes easily.
Socializing Helps You Feel Energized and
Do you tend to feel “charged up” and inspired
after you’ve spent some time with other
Continue Reading Below
Extroverts tend to find such social interactions
refreshing and they actually gain energy from
such exchanges. When extroverts have to
spend a lot of time alone, they often begin to
feel uninspired and listless. If given a choice
between spending time alone and spending
time with other people, an extrovert will
almost always choose to spend time with a
You Like to Solve Problems by Discussing
When you are facing a problem, you prefer to
discuss the issues and various options with
others. Talking about it helps you explore the
issue in depth and figure out which option
might work the best. After a difficult day at
work or school, talking about it with friends or
family can help you feel less stressed out.
Introverts on the other hand, prefer to think
about problems and spend time alone after a
trying day.
People Often Describe You as Friendly and
Since people with this personality type love
interacting with other people so much, others
tend to find extroverts likable and easy to
approach. At a party, an extrovert will
probably be the first one to walk up to new
guests and make introductions. It is for this
reason that extroverts typically find it easy to
meet new people and make new friends.
You Are Very Open and People Find It Easy to
Get to Know You
While introverts are sometimes perceived as
closed-off and aloof, extroverts are typically
very open and willing to share their thoughts
and feelings. Because of this, other people
generally find that extroverts are easier to get
to know.
Final Thoughts
Remember that extroversion isn’t an all or
nothing trait; it’s actually a continuum and
some people might be very extroverted while
others are less so. Extroversion is more
common than introversion and is often valued
since extroverts tend to be skilled at
interacting with others. This does not mean,
however, that one personality type is ‘better’
than another. Each type has its own pluses
and minuses, and you may even find that you
are extroverted in some situations and more
introverted in others.

signs that show that your partner or spouse is emotionally stable and mature

 how to know if your man partner or woman is mature for marriage or a serious  relationship . man girl thinking

Have you ever heard of the term emotional maturity? Well it exists!do you want to know if your partner is mature emotionally? As for the signs of emotional maturity just read on!.

  1. Emotionally intelligent people pay attention
    to what they are feeling.
    Psychologist and author Daniel Goleman
    identifies self-awareness as one of the key
    components of emotional intelligence . Self-
    awareness involves the ability to recognize
    moods, emotions, and feelings. Part of self-
    awareness also involves being aware of how
    your emotions and moods influence other
    people. This ability to monitor your own
    emotional states is a basic requirement for
    emotional intelligence.

  1. They understand how other people feel.
    Empathy is another of Goleman’s major
    elements of emotional intelligence.
    Continue Reading Below
    This involves the ability to understand the
    emotions of other people. In order to interact
    with other people in multiple life domains,
    such as at work or at school, you need to be
    able to know what they are feeling. If a co-
    worker is upset or frustrated, knowing what he
    is feeling can give you a much better idea of
    how to respond.
  2. They are able to regulate their emotions.
    Self-regulation is absolutely central to
    emotional intelligence. Understanding your
    emotions is great, but not particularly useful if
    you cannot make use of this knowledge.
    Emotionally intelligent people think before
    they act on their feelings. They are in tune
    with how they feel, but they do not let their
    emotions rule their lives.
  3. They are motivated.
    Emotionally intelligent people are motivated
    to achieve their goals and capable of
    managing their behaviors and feelings in order
    to achieve long-term success. They might be
    nervous about making a change in their lives,
    but they know that managing this fear is
    important. By taking a leap and making the
    change, they know that they might make their
    lives better and come one step closer to
    attaining their goals.

  1. They have great social skills
    Emotionally intelligent people also tend to
    have strong social skills, probably in part
    because they are so attuned to their own
    feelings as well as those of others. They know
    how to deal with people effectively, and they
    are invested in maintaining healthy social
    relationships and helping those around them
  2. They are willing and able to discuss feelings
    with others.
    Sometimes people are empathetic and in tune
    with their emotions, but struggle to actually
    share these feelings with others. Emotionally
    intelligent people not only understand
    feelings, they know how to express them
    What exactly do we mean by appropriately ?
    Imagine, for example, that you just had a
    particularly awful day at work. You are tired,
    frustrated, and angry about how things went
    at an important meeting. An inappropriate
    expression of your feelings might involve
    coming home and getting into an argument
    with your spouse or sending a nasty email to
    your boss. A more appropriate emotional
    reaction would be discussing your frustrations
    with your spouse, releasing some tension by
    going for a jog, and coming up with a plan to
    make the next day better than the one before.
  3. They are able to correctly identify the
    underlying causes of their emotions.
    Imagine that you find yourself getting
    frustrated and angry with a co-worker. As you
    assess your feelings, analyze what you’re
    really upset about. Are you mad about your
    co-worker’s actions, or does your anger stem
    from underlying frustrations and pressure from
    a boss who has heaped too much work and
    responsibility on your shoulders? Emotionally
    intelligent people are able to look at the
    situation and correctly identify the true source
    of their feelings.
    At first this might seem like an easy task, but
    the reality is that our emotional lives can be
    both complicated and messy. Locating the
    exact source of your feelings can be
    particularly tricky when you are dealing with
    powerful emotions such as love and anger.
    Are you emotionally intelligent?
    . http://psychology.about.com/od/personalitydevelopment/fl/The-7-Habits-of-Emotionally-Intelligent-People.htm

how a good knowledge of psychology makes your life better

So many people are not interested in the science of psychology but after reading this piece about psychology you will change your mind if you were nonchalant before!

. Get Motivated
Robert Deutschman / Getty Images
Whether your goal is to quit smoking, lose weight, or learn a new
language, some lessons from psychology offer tips for getting
motivated. In order to increase your motivational levels when
approaching a task, utilize some of the following tips derived from
research in cognitive and educational psychology :
•Introduce new or novel elements to keep your interest high
•Vary the sequence to help stave off boredom
•Learn new things that build on your existing knowledge
•Set clear goals that are directly related to the task
•Reward yourself for a job well done
Continue Reading Below
2. Improve Your Leadership Skills
Photo courtesy
Sanja Gjenero
It doesn’t matter if you’re an office manager or a volunteer at a local
youth group, having good leadership skills will probably be essential
at some point in your life. Not everyone is a born leader, but a few
simple tips gleaned from psychological research can help your
improve your leadership skills.
One of the most famous studies on this topic looked at three distinct
leadership styles . Based on the findings of this study and subsequent
research, practice some of the following when you are in a leadership
•Offer clear guidance, but allow group members to voice opinions
•Talk about possible solutions to problems with members of the
•Focus on stimulating ideas and be willing to reward creativity
3. Become a Better Communicator
Photo courtesy
John Evans
Communication involves much more than how you speak or write.
Research suggests that nonverbal signals make up a huge portion of
our interpersonal communications. In order to communicate your
message effectively, you need to learn how to express yourself
nonverbally and to read the nonverbal cues of those around you. A
few key strategies include the following:
•Use good eye contact
•Start noticing nonverbal signals in others
•Learn to use your tone of voice to reinforce your message
Learn more about how to utilize and interpret these signals in these
top 10 nonverbal communication tips.
Continue Reading Below
4. Learn to Better Understand Others
Much like nonverbal communication, your ability to understand your
emotions and the emotions of those around you plays an important
role in your relationships and professional life. The term emotional
intelligence refers to your ability to understand both your own
emotions as well as those of other people. Your emotional intelligence
quotient is a measure of this ability. According to psychologist Daniel
Goleman, your EQ may actually be more important than your IQ
What can you do to become more emotionally intelligent? Consider
some of the following strategies:
•Carefully assess your own emotional reactions
•Record your experience and emotions in a journal
•Try to see situations from the perspective of another person
See Also: 6 Ways to Become a Wise Consumer of Psychology
5. Make More Accurate Decisions
Rodin’s “The
Thinker” courtesy
of Karora
Research in cognitive psychology has provided a wealth of
information about decision making. By applying these strategies to
your own life, you can learn to make wiser choices. The next time you
need to make a big decision, try using some of the following
•Try using the “six thinking hats” approach by looking at the
situation from multiple points of view, including rational, emotional,
intuitive, creative, positive, and negative perspectives
•Consider the potential costs and benefits of a decision
•Employ a grid analysis technique that gives a score for how a
particular decision will satisfy specific requirements you may have
6. Improve Your Memory
Photo courtesy
Courtney Icenhour
Have you ever wondered why you can remember exact details from
childhood events yet forget the name of the new client you met
yesterday? Research on how we form new memories as well as how
and why we forget has led to a number of findings that can be applied
directly in your daily life. What are some ways you can increase your
memory power?
•Focus on the information.
•Rehearse what you have learned.
•Eliminate distractions.
Learn some more strategies in these top 10 tips for improving your
memory .
7. Make Wiser Financial Decisions
Photo courtesy
Otaviano Chignolli
Nobel Prize winning psychologists Daniel Kahneman and Amos
Tversky conducted a series of studies that looked at how people
manage uncertainty and risk when making decisions . Subsequent
research in this area known as behavior economics has yielded some
key findings that you can use to make wiser money management
choices. One study (2004) found that workers could more than triple
their savings by utilizing some of the following strategies:
•Don’t procrastinate. Start investing in savings now
•Commit in advance to devote portions of your future earnings
to your retirement savings
•Try to be aware of personal biases that may lead to poor
money choices
8. Get Better Grades
Image courtesy
Kendra Van Wagner
The next time you’re tempted to complain about pop quizzes,
midterms, or final exams , consider this – research has demonstrated
that taking tests actually helps you better remember what you’ve
learned, even if it wasn’t covered on the test.
Another study found that repeated test-taking may be a better
memory aid than studying. Students who were tested repeatedly were
able to recall 61 percent of the material while those in the study
group recalled only 40 percent. How can you apply these findings to
your own life? When trying to learn new information, self-test
frequently in order to cement what you have learned into your
9. Become More Productive
Sometimes it seems like there are thousands of books, blogs, and
magazine articles telling us how to get more done in a day, but how
much of this advice is founded on actual research? For example, think
about the number of times have you heard that multitasking can help
you become more productive. In reality, research has found that trying
to perform more than one task at the same time seriously impairs
speed, accuracy and productivity.
So what lessons from psychology can you use to increase your
productivity? Consider some of the following:
•Avoid multitasking when working on complex or dangerous
•Focus on the task at hand
•Eliminate distractions
10. Be Healthier

Psychology can also be a useful tool for improving your overall
health. From ways to encourage exercise and better nutrition to new
treatments for depression, the field of health psychology offers a
wealth of beneficial strategies that can help you to be healthier and
happier. Some examples that you can apply directly to your own life:
•Studies have shown that both sunlight and artificial light can
reduce the symptoms of seasonal affective disorder
•Research has demonstrated that exercise can be an effective
treatment for depression as well as other mental disorders
•Studies have found that helping people understand the risks of
unhealthy behaviors can lead to healthier choices


fascinating facts about human personality

I found this on net and it’s worth sharing

…. rt
Personality makes us who we are. It
influences nearly every aspect of our lives
including what we choose to do for a living,
how we interact with our families, and our
choices of friends and romantic partners. But
what factors influence our personality? Can we
change our personalities, or do our overall
traits remain constant throughout life?
Since personality is such a fascinating topic,
it has become one of the most heavily
researched subjects within psychology.
Thanks to all this research, psychologists have
learned a great deal about the things that
influence personality as well as how
personality influences our behaviors.
Continue reading to discover more about what
researchers have learned in these ten
fascinating facts about personality.
2 of 11
Birth Order Can Influence Your Personality
You’ve probably heard of this concept before.
First born children are often described as
“bossy” or “responsible,” while last-born
children are sometimes described as
“irresponsible” and “impulsive.” But how true
are these common stereotypes?
For decades, pop psychology books touted the
effects of birth order on personality, but hard
evidence on the phenomenon remained elusive
until quite recently.
A few empirical studies have found that such
things as birth order and family size may
indeed have an impact on personality. One
study even found that birth order can influence
your choices of friends and romantic partners;
first-borns tend to associate with other first-
borns, middle-borns with other middle-borns
and last-borns with last-borns.
3 of 11
Your Personality Is Relatively Stable
throughout Life
Do you think that personality can change over
time, or is your basic temperament set in
stone? In long-term studies of personality,
some of the most core parts of personality
remain stable throughout life. Three aspects
that do tend to change as we age are anxiety
levels, friendliness, and eagerness for novel
According to researcher Paul T. Costa Jr.,
there is no evidence our overall personalities
change as we grow older.
“What changes as you go through life are your
roles and the issues that matter most to you.
People may think their personality has
changed as they age, but it is their habits that
change, their vigor and health, their
responsibilities and circumstances – not their
basic personality,” he suggested in a New
York Times article.
4 of 11
Personality Traits Are Linked to Certain
In the past, a number of different personality
traits have been suspected of contributing to
particular illnesses. For example, hostility and
aggression were often linked to heart disease.
The difficulty was that while some studies
would reveal a link, other studies
demonstrated no such connection.
Recently, researchers have used a statistical
technique known as meta-analysis to
reevaluate previous research on the
connection between personality and disease.
What they discovered were some previously
unnoticed connections between neurotic
personality traits and five illnesses;
headaches, asthma, arthritis, peptic ulcers and
heart disease.
Another study suggested that shyness might
be linked to a shorter lifespan.
5 of 11
Animals Have Distinctive Personalities
Does it ever seem like your beloved pet has a
personality that makes him utterly unique?
Animal researchers have found animals from
nearly every species of animal (from spiders to
birds to elephants) have their own
personalities with preferences, behaviors, and
quirks that persist throughout life.
While some critics suggest that this represents
anthropomorphism, or ascribing human traits
to animals, animal personality researchers
have been able to identify consistent
behavioral patterns that can be empirically
measured and tested.
6 of 11
Current Research Suggests that there are Five
Core Personality Traits
In the past, researchers have debated exactly
how many personality traits exist. Early
researchers such as Gordon Allport suggested
that there were as many as 4,000 distinct
personality traits, while others such as
Raymond Cattell proposed that there were 16.
Today, many personality researchers support
the five-factor theory of personality , which
describes five broad personality dimensions
that compose human personality:
1. Extraversion
2. Agreeableness
3. Conscientiousness
4. Neuroticism
5. Openness
7 of 11
Personality Influences Personal Preferences
It may come as no shock to learn that your
personality can have a profound effect on your
personal preferences, but you just might be
surprised by how far reaching these effects
may be. From your choice of friends to your
taste in music, your unique personality can
influence nearly every choice you make in your
daily life.
For example, while you might pride yourself on
carefully considering the issues before
choosing a candidate to support, research
suggests that personality may play a strong
role in political preferences.
One study conducted by researchers at the
University of Toronto found that individuals
who identified themselves as conservatives
were higher in a personality trait called
orderliness, while those who self-identified as
liberal were higher in empathy.
Researchers suggest that these underlying
personality needs to either preserve order or
express empathy can have a strong influence
on political preferences.
8 of 11
People Can Accurately Judge Your Personality
Based on Your Facebook Profile
When you think about people’s online
identities, you might imagine that most people
try to present an idealized version of their real
selves. After all, in most online situations you
get to pick and choose the information you
want to reveal. You get to select the most
attractive photos of yourself to post and you
can edit and revise your comments before you
make them. Surprisingly, one study discovered
that Facebook profiles are actually quite good
at conveying your real personality.
In the study, researchers looked at the online
profiles of 236 U.S. college-aged individuals.
The participants also filled out questionnaires
designed to measure personality traits
including extroversion, agreeableness,
conscientiousness, neuroticism, and openness.
Observers then rated the personalities of the
participants based on the online profiles, and
these observations were compared to the
results of the personality questionnaires. The
researchers found that observers were able to
get an accurate read on a person’s personality
based on their Facebook profile.
“I think that being able to express personality
accurately contributes to the popularity of
online social networks in two ways,” explained
psychologist and lead author Sam Gosling.
“First, it allows profile owners to let others
know who they are and, in doing so, satisfies
a basic need to be known by others. Second, it
means that profile viewers feel they can trust
the information they glean from online social
network profiles, building their confidence in
the system as a whole.”
9 of 11
Numerous Factors Can Contribute to
Personality Disorders
An estimated 10 to 15% of adults in the
United States experience symptoms of at least
one personality disorder . Researchers have
identified a number of factors that may
contribute to the onset of different personality
disorders such as obsessive-compulsive
disorder and borderline-personality disorder.
These factors include:
Relationships with peers
High sensitivity
Verbal abuse
Childhood trauma
10 of 11
Cardinal Traits Are Rare
Psychologist Gordon Allport described
cardinal traits as those that dominated an
individual’s life to the point where that person
is known and often identified specifically by
that trait. These traits are considered rare,
however. In many cases, people become so
known for these traits that their very names
become synonymous with that type of
personality. Consider the origins of these
often-used terms: Freudian, Machiavellian,
narcissism, Don Juan and Christ-like.
For most people, personality is instead
composed of a mixture of central and
secondary traits. Central traits are those that
make up the core foundation of personality,
while secondary traits are those related to
preferences, attitudes, and situational
11 of 11
Your Pet May Reveal Information About Your
Would you consider yourself more of a “dog
person” or a “cat person”? According to one
study, your answer to this question might
actually reveal important information about
your personality.
In a study of 4,500 people, researchers asked
participants whether they considered
themselves to be more dog people or cat
people. These individuals also completed a
personality survey that measured a number of
broad traits including conscientiousness ,
openness, neuroticism, and agreeableness.
The researchers discovered that people who
identified themselves as dog people tended to
be more extroverted and eager to please
others, while those who described themselves
as cat people tended to be more introverted
and curious.
According to researcher Sam Gosling, a
psychologist at the University of Texas-Austin,
the results might have important implications
in the field of pet therapy. By using
personality screenings, therapists might be
able to match people in need with animals
that are best suited to their personality.
. http://psychology.about.com/od/personalitydevelopment/ss/10-Fascinating-Facts-About-Personality.htm#showall

how to deal with the problem of forgetting what you have read or what you know already

common don’t deny it ! at one point or the other we have all been faced with this ugly trend of forgetting a vital piece of information when we needed it :, forgetting something is natural but what if it becomes too frequent then something has to be done about it because it can be very frustrating studying for an exam diligently on to end up forgetting the right answers in the exam hall , here on handsomebeauty’s blog we will be offering you a list of tips that will help you to remember what you already know faster :

do you find yourself forgetting where you left your keys or
blanking out information on important tests? Fortunately, there
are plenty of things that you can do to help improve your
Before your next big exam, be sure to check out some of these
tried and tested techniques for improving memory. These
research-proven strategies can effectively improve memory,
enhance recall, and increase retention of information.
1. Focus your attention on the materials you are studying.Attention is
one of the major components of memory. In order for information to
move from short-term memory into long-
term memory, you need to actively attend
to this information. Try to study in a place
free of distractions such as television,
music, and other diversions.
2. Avoid cramming by establishing regular study
According to Bjork (2001), studying materials over a number of
session’s gives you the time you need to adequately process the
information. Research has shown that students who study
regularly remember the material far better than those who do all
of their studying in one marathon session.
3. Structure and organize the information you are
Researchers have found that information
is organized in memory in related
clusters. You can take advantage of this by
structuring and organizing the materials
you are studying. Try grouping similar
concepts and terms together, or make an
outline of your notes and textbook
readings to help group related concepts.
4. Utilize mnemonic devices to remember
Mnemonic devices are a technique often used by students to aid in
recall. A mnemonic is simply a way to remember information. For
example, you might associate a term you need to remember with a
common item that you are very familiar with. The best
mnemonics are those that utilize positive imagery, humor, or
novelty. You might come up with a rhyme, song, or joke to help
remember a specific segment of information.
5. Elaborate and rehearse the information you are
In order to recall information, you need to encode what you are
studying into long-term memory. One of the most effective
encoding techniques is known as elaborative rehearsal. An
example of this technique would be to read the definition of a key
term, study the definition of that term and then read a more
detailed description of what that term means. After repeating this
process a few times, you’ll probably notice that recalling the
information is much easier.
6. Relate new information to things you already
When you are studying unfamiliar material, take the time to think
about how this information relates to things that you already
know. By establishing relationships between new ideas and
previously existing memories, you can dramatically increase the
likelihood of recalling the recently learned information.
7. Visualize concepts to improve memory and
Many people benefit greatly from
visualizing the information they study.
Pay attention to the photographs, charts,
and other graphics in your textbooks. If
you do not have visual cues to help, try
creating your own. Draw charts or figures
in the margins of your notes or use
highlighters or pens in different colors to
group related ideas in your written study materials.
8. Teach new concepts to another person.
Research suggests that reading materials out loud significantly
improves memory of the material. Educators and psychologists
have also discovered that having students actually teach new
concepts to others enhances understanding and recall. You can use
this approach in your own studies by teaching new concepts and
information to a friend or study partner.
9. Pay extra attention to difficult information.
Have you ever noticed how it’s sometimes easier to remember
information at the beginning or end of a chapter? Researchers
have found that the order of information can play a role in recall,
which is known as the serial position effect.
While recalling middle information can be difficult, you can
overcome this problem by spending extra time rehearsing this
information. Another strategy is to try restructuring what you
have learned so it will be easier to remember. When you come
across an especially difficult concept, devote some extra time to
memorizing the information.
10. Vary your study routine.
Another great way to increase your recall is to occasionally
change your study routine. If you are accustomed to studying in
one specific location, try moving to a different spot during your
next study session. If you study in the evening, try spending a few
minutes each morning reviewing the information you studied the
previous night. By adding an element of novelty to your study
sessions, you can increase the effectiveness of your efforts and
significantly improve your long-term recall.
11. Get some sleep.
Researchers have long known that sleep is important for memory
and learning. Some recent research has shown that taking a nap
after you learn something new can actually help you learn faster
and remember better.
One study actually found that sleeping after learning something
new actually leads to physical changes in the brain. Sleep deprived
mice experienced less dendtritic growth following a learning task
than well-rested mice.
So the next time you are struggling to learn new information,t
consider getting a good night’s sleep after you study.

chinyere the intelligent model
chinyere the intelligent model

the chronicles of a woman

● changes her name
● changes her home
● leaves her family
● moves in with you
● builds a home with you
● gets pregnant for you
● pregnancy changes her body
● she gets fat
● almost gives up in the labour room due to the
unbearable pain of child birth
● even the kids she delivers bear your name
Till the day she dies… everything she does…
cooking, cleaning your house, taking care of your
parents, bringing up your children, earning, advising
you, ensuring you can be relaxed, maintaining all
family relations, everything that benefit you…..
sometimes at the cost of her own health, hobbies
and beauty.
So who is really doing whom a favour?
Dear men, appreciate the women in your lives
always, because it is not easy to be a woman.
Being a woman is priceless
Happy women’s week!
Pass this to every woman in your contact to make
her feel proud of herself.
Rock the world ladies!
A salute to ladies!
Pass to every men to know the value of women
Pass to every women to feel proud!

Signs of maturity

signs of maturity
Read also : list of most important qualities that women
consider attractive in men especially in

1: You Should Be ApproachableTo achieve maturity you shall be easy to get along with and people should feel comfortable approaching you.
2. Be Humble:The hardest words in the English language to say are “I’m sorry” and “I was wrong”. Learn to say them. These words are growth words; they grow you as a person. There are times when you will be right in life, despite what others have said. Instead of rushing to say “I told you so,” realize that everyone has a different view of reality. You don’t need to gain satisfaction by gloating about an outcome. People will respect you when they see that you are willing to admit your mistakes, and when you are big enough to just let things go.
Read also : reasons why you should marry a working class
lady as a wife

3. You Should Be Dependable:Maturity means dependability and coming through in a crisis. When you say you are going to do something, do everything in your power to make it happen. If you find out you cannot do something you said you were going to do, be sure to let the other party know why and explain alternative options. Get organized in life so that people learn that they can depend on you and know that when you say you will do something they can guarantee that what you say is golden.
 signs of maturity
4. Don’t Be Judgemental:Variety makes the world a more beautiful place. Even when you disagree with people, don’t pay attention to the need to criticise them. Instead, respect their right to their beliefs and correct them gently.
5. Have A calm demeanourIt’s hard to be calm 100% of the time but you should endeavour to remain calm the majority of the time. Best decisions are made when the blood is calm
Read also : signs that show that your partner or spouse is
emotionally stable and mature

6. Seek Alternative Views on Issues When NecessaryKnowing that the way things are done can always be improved, matured people expect you to willingly seek out the opinions and views of others. Don’t feel threatened when people disagree with you. Pay attention to them and learn from them.
7. Pay Attention To Your Personal Growth:Meeting the challenges of tomorrow requires learning and development today. You should have a desire to learn and a thirst for knowledge. Learning and development activities should form a key part of your schedule.
8. Be Responsible For Your Actions:You should learn to take responsibility for your own life. You should understand that your current circumstances are a result of the decisions you have taken up to now. When something goes wrong, do not rush to blame others rather try to identify what you can do differently the next time and develop a plan to implement these changes.
   signs of maturity
9. Be Flexible:To achieve maturity, you should learn to see each situation as unique and you can adapt your style accordingly. Matured people don’t run complaining when things go wrong, they are always in control of the situation.
10. Learn To Exercise Patience:It is true what they say: the best things in life often take time to come to fruition. You should be willing to pass up immediate pleasure or rewards and realize that sometimes the best solution to a problem is to go for the resolution that gives us long-term gain.
11. Have Knowledge and Vision:Knowledge to know that you will not always have the needed answers/solution to a problem and Vision so that once you identify the problem, you can visualise a solution and research the best way to implement that solution.
12. Have a Sense of Humour:You don’t have to take yourself too seriously. You should be able to enjoy a good laugh with friends and colleagues, even when you are the butt of the joke.
13. Talk Less and Do More:Don’t be a talker, be a doer! So many people have good intentions but they never follow through on them. To achieve maturity you should learn not to spend your entire life thinking of all the ways you can do things and then end up doing nothing.

golden thoughts to ponder upon

  1. If your child lies to you often, it is
    you over-react too harshly to their
    inappropriate behaviour.
  2. If your child is not taught to
    confide in
    you about their mistakes, you’ve lost
  3. If your child had poor self-esteem,
    it is
    because you advice them more than
    encourage them.
  4. If your child does not stand up for
    themselves, it is because from a
    young age
    you have disciplined them regularly
  5. If your child takes things that do
    belong to them, it is because when
    you buy
    them things, you don’t let them chose
    they want.
  6. If your child is cowardly, it is
    because you
    help them too quickly.
  7. If your child does not respect other
    people’s feelings, it is because
    instead of
    speaking to your child, you order and
    command them.
  8. If your child is too quick to anger, it
    because you give too much attention
    misbehaviour and you give little
    attention to
    good behaviour.
  9. If your child is excessively jealous,
    it is
    because you only congratulate them
    they successfully complete
    something and
    not when they improve at something
    even if
    they don’t successfully complete it.
  10. If your child intentionally disturbs
    you, it
    is because you are not physically
    affectionate enough.
  11. If your child is openly defied, it is
    because you openly threaten to do
    something but don’t follow through.
  12. If your child is secretive, it is
    they don’t trust that you won’t blow
    out of proportion.
  13. If your child talks back to you, it is
    because they watch you do it to
    others and
    think its normal behaviour.
  14. If your child doesn’t listen to you
    listens to others, it is because you are
    quick to make decisions.
  15. If your child rebels it is because
    know you care more about what
    think than what is right

written by amylia chy odo

lies of the mind

Here are some of those lies and
excuses that keep us from making
desired changes and progress in our
1. I can’t do it.
Because it seems too difficult at first,
you think you can’t stick to the
positive change you’re making. You
begin to doubt your ability to take
another step. This is a common lie/
excuse that can be countered by
looking at the fact that other people
no more capable than you have done
it. You need to tell yourself, “If he/she
can do it, so can I!” And with time you
will see that you were right- you
could do it after all. Truth be told, the
only person who can tell you “I can’t”
is you. If you hear those words
echoing in the back of your mind, tune
them out. Realize that your doubts
and your faith have something in
common – they both ask you to
believe in something you can’t see.
You simply have to decide which one
you want to believe.
2. They can do it, but that doesn’t
apply to me because they have it
better than me.
You think just because someone else
can, doesn’t mean you can, right?
You look for reasons they can do it
but you can’t – maybe he’s a good
writer because he has no kids. She’s
way smarter than I am, that’s why
she always gets the best deals. She
doesn’t have all the work and family
obligations I have, or has a
supportive spouse, that’s why she can
do what she does.
OK, fine, it’s easy to find excuses: but
look at all the other people who also
have considerable obstacles and
have done it anyway. Stories abound
of people with disabilities or illnesses
who overcame their obstacles to
achieve great things. You too can join
the league of such ‘champions’.
Let me share one of my own
experiences before we go on to the
next point.
As I was growing up, my friend was
better than in school. I never thought I
could be as good as he because I told
myself ‘He is from a family of
intellectuals, his dad is a PhD holder
in a very analytical field and he will
soon become a professor, his
brothers are also good and always
take the first position or second when
they want to relax a bit.’ So I felt
disadvantaged. Unfortunately, I
believed this lie for a long time until I
saw my own potential and realised
that I had caged myself with a lie.
3. No one will support this decision/
Have you ever had a novel idea and
felt that nobody will share your
vision? Hear what Ghandi has to say:
“Hesitating to act because the whole
vision might not be achieved, or
because others do not yet share it, is
an attitude that only hinders
progress.” Don’t conclude that your
dream cannot come true until you
have tried all possible means
available to achieve it. Most times
we place the death verdict on our
dreams/goals even before they are
You never know what’s possible until
you risk finding out. In the long run,
there is only one thing that makes
your dreams and goals completely
impossible to achieve: Your lack of
action today.
4. I’m stuck because I don’t have
enough time to make changes.
It is more important to know where
you are going and why, than to get
there quickly. In fact, the most
important thing in life is knowing
what the most important things in life
are, and prioritizing them
accordingly. The truth is, you write
your own destiny through the choices
you make every day. You become
what you repeatedly do. Most of us
spend too much time on urgent
things and not enough time on
important things. So do yourself a
favor and implement these three
action steps every time you’re
building or sorting your to-do list: 1)
Think about the difference between
what is urgent and what is important.
2) Review all the obligations on your
list. 3)Do what’s important first.
5. It’ll be too hard because I can’t do
without _______.
Fill in the blank: I need my wine, my
TV shows, my ten hours of sleep, my
big house, my fancy wardrobe, or
whatever it is that you consider very
important. These are luxuries we
convince ourselves we can’t live
without, so we can justify not making
positive changes like eating healthier
or saving money or simplifying our
lives or building a profitable side
hustle. I’m not immune either – in
the past I’ve made these excuses
myself, but they all turned out to be
lies. I could do without most of those
things, and and so can you. Believing
that you can’t do without those
things you hold so dear only gets in
the way of the positive changes you
are capable of creating for yourself.
Your TV shows may be preventing
you from finishing that book, studying
well or attending to your job properly.
Cutting down on the amount of time
you spend doing the things you so
cherish (which are not productive in
any way) can greatly increase your
productivity in things that really
6. Life is meant to be easier and
enjoyed more.
Sure, I agree that life should be
enjoyed (as most people would) but
the problem is that the idea that life
should ALWAYS be easy and
enjoyable is used to justify all kinds
of lazy behavior. You might as well
sit on the couch with some juice in
hand and watch TV all day, because
hey, life is meant to be enjoyed, right?
(Friend, if you continue that way, your
landlord will soon throw you off that
couch and out of his house for not
paying your rent and your juice can
will be replaced with ‘pure’/ sachet
So you see that constantly being in
the ‘enjoyment mode’ will land you in
a mess. Fact is, you can give up a lot
of comfort in your life and not lose a
thing. In fact, the path of least
resistance is often the path of least
There are no shortcuts to any place
worth going. You must run to be a
runner. You must write to be a writer.
You must actively work on a
business venture to learn how to run
a successful business. There is no
substitute for doing the work. So
meditate on this every day: “I will do
the work. It won’t be easy. It will be
worth it!”
7. I deserve a reward (or a break).
We all deserve a tasty treat, or a day
off. I’m not saying you shouldn’t give
yourself a reward or break when one
is deserved. But if you make this
rationalization a primary rule for
living, you’ll always be on a break.
You’ll always be giving yourself
rewards, and never adhering to the
original plan. Here’s what you should
do instead: See sticking to your plan
as the reward itself. See reaching
your goals as a gift you give myself.
Going on a run isn’t the thing you
have to get through to get a reward –
the run is the reward.
8. I can do it later.
Sure, you can always do it later… but
your later self will feel the same exact
way. Think about it: Why should your
later self be more disciplined than
your present self? There’s no reason.
In fact, because you’re allowing
yourself to slack off now, you’re
building a habit of procrastination
and actually making it less likely that
your later self will be more
This excuse is one which 99% of us
are guilty of. I have put off writing
this post to a later time several times
since the thought came to me. I kept
telling myself, I will write it this
evening…no, tomorrow…oh men I’m
so tired already, I’ll make sure I write
it unfailingly on Wednesday. And so I
kept postponing it. The fact that you
are reading this post means that I
refused to give myself that excuse
any further. I have overcome this one
but there are yet many more
instances in the future where I will
have to fight against this excuse. So
it is for everyone of us. Everyday we
are tempted to push things to the
next day.
But today, stop making excuses for
why you can’t get it done and start
focusing on all the reasons why you
must make it happen.
Stop talking about what you have
done or what you are going to do.
Just do it and let your actions speak
for themselves. Most great things in
life don’t happen by chance, they
happen by choice.
9. One time won’t hurt.
This lie is so tempting, because it’s
somewhat true – one time won’t
hurt. Assuming, of course, that it
really is only one time. One scoop of
ice cream, one extra hour of sleep,
one time procrastinating instead of
working, etc.
Unfortunately, it’s never just one
time. One time means your brain now
knows it can get away with this
excuse next time too, and the next
“one time” leads to another, until
you’ve completely fallen off the
wagon. Make a pact with yourself:
never believe the “one time” lie. If
you’re going to allow yourself six
hours of sleep, decide this beforehand
and build it into your plan – “I will
allow myself six hours of sleep every
weekday” and stick to your plan,
rather than deciding on the spot when
your conscience is weak. It makes
you more disciplined and helps you
make definite progress.
10. It’s better to quit now and cut my
As Winston Churchill once said,
“Success is never final, failure is never
fatal. It is courage to continue that
counts.” Nothing could be closer to
the truth. Persistence is the mother of
all productive effort. Failures, small
and large, happen every day to the
best of us. The strongest, most
people aren’t the people who always
succeed, but the ones who don’t give
up when they lose. In the heat of the
moment when you feel like quitting,
think about how far you have come
and why you started in the first place.
Oftentimes you’re a lot closer to
making a breakthrough than you
think. Some people give up their
efforts when they have almost
reached their goal, while others
conquer their goals by exerting, up
until the very last possible second,
more vigorous efforts than ever
before. Bottom line: Once you learn to
quit, it becomes a habit – so KEEP
11. It’s already too late.
Nothing is too late until your tired
heart stops beating. If you’re reading
this right now, it means you are still
alive, which means it’s not too late
for you.
Things can change if you want them
to at any time.
However, while accepting the fact
that you can change things at any
time, don’t give the excuse that
you’ve got all the time in the world.
That would be going to the extreme
because tomorrow is not in your
hands. The point being made here is
that no matter the stage you are now,
change is still possible. Irrespective
of what you think you’ve lost, focus
on the present and make the best out
out of it.
Right now you can choose differently
and make something new happen.
Your future is immediate. Grab on to
it with both hands and keep moving
on. When you come up on a
roadblock and are faced with the
choice of sitting down and doing
nothing or doing something to make
further progress, choose the latter.
Think, work, and climb if you have to.
Move your life forward.


Aquarians are the people who are
born between January 20th and
February 18th. In the zodiac chart it is
often symbolized by a water bearer or
a water pitcher. Members born under
the sign are extremely vulnerable and
sensitive. You may find them being
surrounded by many but in reality
they rarely have close friends and
acquaintances. The universality of
their sign makes them public people.
They are often associated with many
clubs, organizations and forums and
like intellectual discussions.
Aquarians are good communicators
as long as you stay within their
mental realm. They enjoy the
company of like minded people.
Aquarians tend to attach great
importance to their friends and love
to stay surrounded by them.
You, Aquarians, are straight forwards
and don’t like changes too often.
People will be quick to notice your
limitations in these aspects.
However, you get aggrieved when
people try to take advantage of your
straight forward nature. When being
hurt or ditched you almost always
take revenge even at the cost of your
own reputation.
In their personal lives Aquarians tend
to settle for a somewhat peaceful life.
However, they often don’t get
emotionally attached to their
relationships. They can settle for a
relationship even it lacks in
sensitivity and ardor.
Aquarians are intelligent and quick
witted, which attract others towards
them. They can pick up things really
fast. According to the Aquarius
horoscope predictions, Aquarians are
curious in nature and take interest in
everything around them. However,
these can make it difficult for them to
concentrate on one thing.
Aquarius the sign of Air
Though some people mistakenly
believe that Aquarius falls under the
Water Sign but it actually falls under
the Air Sign. Astrological signs fall
under the sign of Air are thinkers.
They put intellect over other
Aquarians can move between
thoughts quite effortlessly. They have
a great mind and are quick learners.
People born under the sign exert great
command over language and are born
communicators. But, they are by no
means chatty. They will rather
engage people in interesting
Aquarius Characteristics
Positive Qualities of Aquarius
They are talented people, who are
born with a natural intelligence. If
they want, they can make wonders
around them with their creativity and
intelligence. They can lead any team,
no matter if they are in the toughest
situation. Aquarians are honest and
they always listen to their instinct.
Questions… they are the favorite of
the Aquarians. They do not follow
conventional ways, rather they invent
new ways to think and implement.
Negative Qualities of Aquarius
Aquarians are often accused of
having a lonely love life, simply
because they are not at all open to
life. They take a lot of time to mingle
with others. Very often, the Aquarians
are considered nagging, because they
nag too much to their near and dear
ones, for not giving then time and
attention. The Aquarians often tend to
fall sick. For all these issues in their
personal life, they often face troubles
in their professional life.
Traits of Aquarius
Intelligent: The Aquarians are
born intelligent. They know how
to work and what will work for
them. This trait makes them
prominent in the crowd. They
have a natural love for nature and
creativity. For these reasons, they
often get recognition from others.
Innovative: Aquarians are creative
and innovative; They are always
with new ideas and thoughts. If
you are coming short of any
unique idea, you can ask any
Aquarian friends for help.
Honest: Aquarians are honest in
both professional life and
personal life. They are extremely
dedicated to their work and their
loyalty is the first quality, which
gets noticed on top in any
Aquarian. This trait makes them
Spontaneous: Aquarians are
impulsive. They do not take much
time to react on anything. They
always listen to their instinct.
They hardly think about
Inquisitive: Aquarians love to
enquiry. Yes, believe it or not, they
just love to dig the deepest corner
of a matter with their questions.
This is possibly the most irritating
habit of the Aquarians.
Aquarius Strengths
Aquarians are endowed with many
positive traits. They are intelligent,
which people around them are quick
to notice.
Aquarians are also public people and
take interests in various topics. They
have a clear and witty mind, which
make them great thinkers. They can
also be indigenous in their thinking
for which their opinions are often
sought by others.
Aquarians are kind hearted and take
interest in humanitarian activities.
Positive qualities in an Aquarian are,
Aquarius Weaknesses
When criticizing people Aquarians
can turn sarcastic. In fact, dark
humor is a part of their nature.
Further, Aquarians can be somewhat
stubborn and may determine their
path as the right one.
They can become uncaring to others
and are often deemed as
unemotional. They can get into a
relationship without really getting
involved in it. According to the
Aquarius horoscope, Aquarians might
not develop an attachment with their
families and stay somewhat aloof.
Negatives in an Aquarian are,
Nature of Aquarius
Aquarians are visionaries. Theirs is
an intellectual and independent sign.
Aquarians are marked for deviating
from what is conventional. They mark
their own path and continue to travel
their own way despite what people
think about it.
Aquarians are great thinkers. They
constantly demand for intellectual
stimulations and are constantly
discovering new things.
Aquarians can be full of conflicts.
They can strive for completely
different things at the same time.
Their paradoxical nature also makes
them somewhat aloof in their
behaviors. They can have many
friends yet they can lack in friends
who can be called as close.
They are humanitarians and believe
in the saying of ‘live and let live’.
Aquarius Career
Aquarians are imaginative and
inventive in their nature. They
constantly look for intellectual
stimulants and keep discovering new
things. Hence, they can become great
discoverers, scientists and
They have a creative bent of mind,
which can help them in becoming
actors, theatrical personalities,
dramatists, musicians and the like.
They make great astrologers and
Aquarians can find success in careers
of physicians and medical personnel
because of their humanitarian nature.
Aquarius Love/Marriage
Aquarians can be unemotional and
aloof at times. They also create an
imaginative picture of their perfect
partner in their mind and search for
one who would fit into it.
Sensitivity and emotion always don’t
make the base for a relationship with
Aquarians. Hence, romantic relation
with Aquarius can be strenuous to
people who are emotional by nature.
Aquarian males are usually
passionate lovers if they can make a
balance between their imagination
and reality. They might not make
their feelings obvious at the first time.
An Aquarian male may take detours
while in a relationship but they will
usually return to their old love.
Aquarian women are sensual and
feminine. They are gifted with
beautiful appearance. They might not
be afraid of taking the leading role in
a relationship and can be provoking.
Quick Facts
Lucky Numbers
5, 6, 8, 11, 19, 22.
Birthstone /Lucky Stone
Lucky Color
Light Blue, Nile Green, Yellow
Ruling Planet
Favorable Months
March, April, May, July, August,
October, November, December.
Unfavorable Months
January, February, June, September.
Most compatible with
Gemini, Libra, Sagittarius
Special Qualities
Creative, Idealist, Intelligent
You hate rules and regulations
Suitable Profession
Advertising, Interior Decoration,
Music Composer
Energy Signs
Health Problems
Legs, Ankles
Most Clashes with
Aries, Capricorn, Taurus, Virgo,

characteristics of an aquarius man or woman

Aquarius – January 21 – February 19
Pisces – February 20- March 20
Aries – March 21 – April 20
Taurus – April 21 – May 21
Gemini – May 22 – June 21
Cancer – June 22 – July 22
Leo – July 23 -August 21
Virgo – August 22 – September 23
Libra – September 24 – October 23
Scorpio – October 24 – November 22
Sagittarius – November 23 –
December 22
Capricorn – December 23 – January
Aquarius Astrology January 20 –
February 18
Aquarius Strength Keywords:
– Witty
– Clever
– Humanitarian
– Inventive
– Original
Aquarius Weakness Keywords:
– Stubborn
– Unemotional
– Sarcastic
– Rebellious
– Aloof
Aquarius and Independence:
Aquarius personality is very
independent, any attempt to hold
them down or restrict them will cause
them, to flee. They need to be free to
be on their own. Independence is not
just desired by Aquarius, it is
essential to their well being.
Aquarius and Friendship:
Beneath the detached, unemotional
exterior lies a kind hearted friend that
will go out of their way to help
another. They love to make people
laugh and cheer people up and it
makes them feel good to make others
feel good. They do not expect
anything in return for this could put a
damper on their freedom, they live
with no strings attached. They are
very unconventional and always full
of excitement, an Aquarius friend
always makes life fun. They might
offer you a spontaneous last minute
camping trip with no supplies
prepared, if you decide to go along,
you will have a weekend to remember
Aquarius and Business:
Aquarius likes to do something useful
with their lives, mixing that with their
amazing way with people, they make
excellent politicians and social
workers/psychologists. They are
progressive thinkers and are great at
forming new ideologies and theories,
any type of research is very suited to
Aquarius. Aquarius one downfall in
the business world is the attention to
detail, they like the grand ideas and
massive plans and can make them
happen, but the mundane day to day
repetitive details causes them to
procrastinate. Aquarius needs a
Aquarius and Temperament:
Aquarius tend to be rebels just for the
sake of having their own way. Their
stubbornness sometimes causes their
failure, they will continue to do
something their way even though
others have proved it is wrong, they
are very smart people and know it is
wrong but they will continue just
because it is their way, they are very
fixed in opinion and stubborn when
confronted. Despite their
stubbornness and fixed opinion, they
will never impose their ideas on
others, they have respect for
everybody’s differences.
Aquarius Deep Inside:
Aquarius are in search of wisdom,
they are very observant and they can
gather their information objectively
because emotions do not get in the
way, they seem to be above emotions
altogether and when they speak, they
speak the truth. Sometimes it may be
shocking or painful because of their
disregard for the feelings of others,
but they intend no harm, they call it
like they see it and do not emotions
cloud their judgment, they are very
detached from emotion. It is not that
Aquarius are unemotional, they just
to not trust their emotions so they
incorporate them into their ideas of
who they are. As a result, if someone
does not agree with their ideas,
Aquarius sometimes takes it
personally, not as much as other
zodiac signs however as Aquarius is
intellect driven and not emotionally
driven. Sometimes they wonder if
there is something in life that they are
missing because they do not feel like
other people feel. This does not
necessarily prevent them from being
involved in intimate relationships,
they are capable of this but the
person on the other end will always
notice an air of detachment from
Aquarius. Aquarius wonders ‘why?’
so much that they can question their
existence. They wonder if what they
are doing is useful, they want other
people to notice them and appreciate
them, this is caused by underlying
insecurities that wonder if other
people accept them for who they are
but these are never brought to the
surface because to an Aquarius, it
does not matter that much because
they know that they are special.
Aquarius in a Nutshell:
Aquarius is the sign of visionaries,
unconventionality and intellectual
independence. Aquarius are the
people who deviate from the crowd
and go their own way. They are
always after intellectual stimulation,
constantly discovering something
new, forming new opinions and
stubbornly traveling their way
regardless of what other people think.
Aquarius are filled with paradoxes,
they are interested in the opposite
ends of the spectrum, they like to be
alone yet are social butterflies, they
like to experience both sides and see
both opinions as they formulate new
ideas with their forward thinking,
active mind. Aquarius have a ‘live
and let live’ policy where everyone is
free to be themselves, an Aquarius
never judges others because as
human beings, we are all equal and
entitled to our own opinions. They are
verbally skilled and very witty, they
observe people and learn how to
interact with others through
observation. They can be masters of
manipulation justifying anything they
do or think. As a result, they can deal
with any type of personality and
adapt to any situation. They welcome
change because boredom is their
enemy. Anything new is an
opportunity to Aquarius. Aquarius can
act as an expert on any topic, they are
very good at inflating their own
importance, they feel it is deserved
because their eccentricity makes
them unique. Conventional people
beware, Aquarius likes to shock and
deviate from the norm, this is how
they live. Aquarius is known to pick at
anyone they find weak or dull-
minded. It is simply an easy target for
verbal exercise for them, no harm is
meant but it might be taken from the
other person. Deep inside, Aquarius
would never intentionally hurt
anyone, they have respect for every
human, even thought this might not
seem apparent to the more emotional
What it’s Like to Date a Aquarius
The Aquarius woman is the ultimate
independent woman. She is funny,
smart, adventurous, never clingy or
jealous, never demanding and not
overly emotional. She is
unpredictable and craves excitement.
Anything goes with this woman and
any man that she chooses will have
an amazing relationship. Court her
and woo her, she expects this ladylike
treatment, she is old fashioned in that
sense but be known that her mind is
already made up and if she is not
interested, she will never be
interested. The relationship will
progress slowly because she does
not get emotionally involved very
easily and she is not one for showy
displays of romantic affection. The
man who is trying to win her heart
has to treat her with respect and treat
her as an equal. Communication is
key, this is how a relationship with an
Aquarius woman evolves. Once she
trusts you and you two grow closer,
she is an amazing loyal and
kindhearted person. She will always
seem to be detached, she fears losing
her identity in a relationship so do not
be surprised if even in a long term
relationship she seems more like a
fiend then a romantic partner. Do not
press her emotionally or tie her down
with demands and obligations
because this will cause her to run.
Never be jealous, this is a big red flag
to her and she will leave right away,
the Aquarius woman can never be
tied down, she is free as a bird. If you
give her all she needs, she will be
completely faithful so you should not
worry when she is out on her own,
give her space and respect her
privacy and all will be well. Aquarius
woman is for the man who loves a
challenge and adventure.
What it’s Like to Date a Aquarius
This man is all about intellectual
stimulation. You can be the prettiest
girl in the world but if you do not stir
his mind, he won’t bother.
Communication is so important to
this man. Deep inside he longs for
love but this causes him inner trouble
because of his inability to understand
emotion so an Aquarius man in love
often stumbles on his own words, be
patient with him and don’t hold it
against him because deep inside, he
is having fun. Beware that an
Aquarius man can fall out of love as
easily as falling in love. The woman
has to be able to adapt to him, he will
not change for anybody and demands
respect and understanding for the
way he is, no matter how eccentric
his ideals are. He needs stimulation
and a partner to share life’s
adventures with, not just someone to
sit on the couch and watch a movie
all the time. Do not press him
emotionally or tie him down with
demands and obligations because
this will cause him to run. Never be
jealous, this is a big red flag to him
and he will leave right away, the
Aquarius man can never be tied
down. If you give him all he needs, he
will be completely faithful so you
should not worry when he is out on
his own, give him space and respect
his privacy and all will be well.
Aquarius man is for the woman who
loves a challenge and adventure.
How to Attract Aquarius:
Communication is key. You must be
able to stimulate their minds, engage
in a friendly, witty verbal battle but do
not expect to come to any
conclusions, this is not the point.
They crave the brain exercise. If you
unable to keep up with the intellect
and the unconventional ways that
Aquarius is known for, you might
want to look elsewhere. Aquarius
needs communication compatibility
more then anything else. Have variety
in your dates, think of interesting
things to do like a trip to the zoo, but
if you can’t think of any crazy idea,
leave it up to Aquarius to make plans
but do not be surprised if they change
the plan in the middle, be flexible like
them. They do not like naggers or
complainers so keep the talk positive
and all should be well.

reasons why most ladies end up remaining unmarried for life

Read also : WHY african mother inlaws insist on their daughter-inaws becoming pregnant before marriage
1. Many African ladies will end
up singles for life because of
media exposure- it is so
disheartening how a lady will
glue her eyes on a mobile
phone from morning to night,
only to raise it up to focus on
television to watch another
celebrity entertainment
channel. Tell me, what else
will dominate this lady’s
mindset aside how to live a
fake celebrity life being
promoted on television


2. Many African ladies now
dislike cooking and home
chores just because they had
been totally brainwashed by
movies showcasing men
playing the role of women in a
family, and due to excessive
exposure to modern media that
promotes gender-equality in a
destructive way that’s aimed
at destroying the unique
African family setting that
made our previous African
marriages everlasting and
envious to the westerns. Now,
with this attitude, how do you
expect a African man to desire
to marry when he knows he is
only buying more headache
and trouble than helper for
3. Excessive makeup turns
most decent and serious-
minded men off- if you have
observed, you will discover
that most men dislike
excessive makeup, and more
don’t even like it at all; reason
they often times discourage
their true loved ones to do
away with it cos it speaks ill of
a lady even though so many
men will applaud and
complement you for looking
like an Egyptian mummy. A
slight makeup is okay; but if
you are out for marriage, try
always to look simple and
natural, it will attract better
men, decent and serious-
minded, except you are still
living in your high school life
and not thinking towards
Read also : categories of men you should avoid if you want relationships that will lead to marriage
4. Stop Giving Your Number
Out To Every Joystick & Harry!
No man would want to
propose marriage to a lady
whose phone is always talking
and laughing with un serious
calls. You may not be a
playgirl, but he would judge
you as one, and will likely flee
at the slightest chance or
5. You Don’t Bring Any Value
Into The Life Of Men You Date
or Are Dating- because your
best friend married without
contributing anything to the
man that finally married her,
doesn’t mean it will work for
you that way. Think, work
towards equipping yourself so
that you can be a value and
also add value to his life to
convince him that you are
worth committing to. Adding
value to his life isn’t by giving
him money, or material gifts,
nope….good counsels, being
his best friend, helping him
attain his goals in life, lending
him moral, mental and
spiritual support, and by not
just being a liability that only
bring requests and problems to
be solved.
6. Your Friends Run Your Life-
how do you expect to find a
husband when you still allow
your clique of friends to be
dictating which man you meet
is worthy of your love and
which is not? When will you
wake up and face the fact that
those your best friends even
though they cherish you,
wouldn’t want you to marry
before them or to marry the
best man?
7. You Give Everything Out
During Dating- As a single
lady who has not been taken
to the altar, you need to
reserve some things for your
husband to be, especially your
body, respect it and preserve it
at all cost. In the past, men
rushed to marry to get certain
things or privileges they had
been constantly denied while
being single. Such privileges
include and not limited to:
constant sx and
companionship, good food and
tidied home, etc. But today, a
single man gets even the best
and of course more of constant
x, good food and excellent
home-keeping more than his
married counterparts, so tell
me how the hell you want him
to desire to marry you when
you have given him virtually
everything he desires from a
wife while being his girlfriend?
And the most painful part of it
all is that he knows that you
are prepared to cut down on
sx supply, cooking, home-
keeping, etc once he marries
you, so why would he not want
you to remain his girlfriend for
8. You Package Yourself
Wrongly- in your attempt to
look sexy, adorable and maybe
appealing to guys, you have
derailed from appealing to
appalling. In fact you look
more whorish than modest;
more unattractive than
attractive, and more disgusting
than adorable. Your dressing
style determines who gets
attracted to you most times. If
you dress high school, only
high school-thinking guys will
be attracted to you, and if you
dress excessively sexy and
provocative, only randy men
will come to you for urgent
satisfaction of their immediate
x urge, so don’t be fooled by
media hyping of certain kinds
of dressing, they are meant for
certain set of ladies you
wouldn’t like to be associated
with, be careful. Remember,
not all clothes that look sexy
are good for a seriously
searching for a soul mate
single lady.
9. You Lack Manners,
Character, Wisdom and Good
Home Upbringing- definitely,
your ‘hot girl’, ‘pretty girl’,
‘sexy girl’ looks will win you so
many men; both the good, and
the bad, but your inner beauty,
your character and manner are
the things that will determine
whether any of those men
would stay or run after
accomplishing their evil
missions. In order words, do
away with nagging, being
possessive, challenging with
men in negative ways, the
mentality of ‘what a man can
do a woman can do better’, a
lie devil has used to deceive
and destroy so many ladies
today, please do away with it.
culled from Information